This topic has 21 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 7 months ago by 
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I received a phone call with No Caller ID so, of course, I answered it. (Around 8:30 pm.)
This is the best I can recall what just happened. Some details are not included… mainly just awkward little sentences Sabrina and I shared as we tried to work through the questions she was asking.
A familiar voice said hello, said my name and said, “It’s me.” I haven’t talked to you in a while.” Sabrina and I shared some idle chitchat, I explained I was feeling a bit awkward and she caught me at a little bit of an emotional time. She apologized, but I told her it was okay…
She began by asking a series of questions. She asked me if Joyce came to my house, I said she had. She wanted to know more about that visit. She said she didn’t know where Joyce was now “…possibly buried in a desert somewhere, possibly resting in a tub of acid.”
I was slightly taken aback and said that sounded so bleak and she responded, “I saw the Periscope. Didn’t you see the Periscope? That was pretty bleak.”
Sabrina mentioned how I had tried to save her at one point. I replied that was the truth and I told I had been confused by her answer at the time that she “didn’t need saving.” She wanted to know if I was interested in helping her now. I said, “of course, I am.”
She wanted to know about the night that Joyce came to my house. She wanted to know if there was anything “off” about that visit… anything strange? I let her know there were a couple of things.
I admit, I got flustered hearing Sabrina’s voice. We were casually chatting… as friends. Talking about a dead body. I told her I still got flustered when I heard her voice. “Why?” she asked. In the moment. I couldn’t answer that question. I was just flustered.
She turned the subject back to the visit of Joyce. She informed me, “Joyce was really important to me – the closest thing I had to a friend. I felt connected to her.” There was silence, and I said quite simply “I am so sorry for your loss if there’s anything I could do…”
We talked about the visit and I mentioned that one of the weird things about Joyce was that I felt a bit connected to her simply because she was asking why I wasn’t connected. That alone is unique in this world. I told her, “I’m sure you’re aware of Noah and The System. All those people have done is tell me I’m worthless and I need to prove myself worthy of their attention. Look,” I told her, “if anything, my behavior last year should be evidence of how much sincere emotional commitment I am willing to make.
I committed to the return of Anoch… I committed because of you.”
“Yes, I know.”
Joyce just asked me why I wasn’t connected, I told Sabrina – I said that alone felt like a connection.She wanted to know if people were with Joyce. I described the harsh woman with dark lipstick. I mentioned the fact the Joyce had her flirt with me – Sabrina seemed very surprised at that, it seemed like she was surprised the Joyce would do that to me.
Sabrina asked if anyone else was in the room and I described the young tall blonde haired guy. (Fluffernutter Guy.) A few people have met him before me, he talks about health food and the Paleo diet.
She asked if that was all. I said Otis was there.
“Wait, Otis was there?” She seemed very surprised. I explained one of the odd things about the visit was that he introduced himself as “John, who plays Otis.”
“WHAT?” She gasped. “He did what?”
I explained that he said it when he first introduced himself to me it was very soft – but he did say, “Hello, I am John, I play Otis.”“He did that???”
“Yes, he did.”
Her manner changed. “I really have to go.”
“Wait,” I quickly said, “you asked if I could help…”
“Yes.” was her response.
And she hung up.
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If we are to take what Sabrina is saying at face value, the fact that she and Joyce were friends explains the earlier calls in which she guilt-tripped people over her friend’s death. When you lose someone you need an outlet for those feelings. Looks like Sabrina decided to blame the participants to get closure.
Sabrina didn’t already know Otis introduced himself as John? If she’s been following your posts, Russell, she should have known that. Perhaps Sabrina hasn’t been keeping up with the forums recently.
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@izryn Her not keeping up with the forums lately makes sense, given her calling to get the details from interactions within Joyce and Mason. But where has she been?
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“Joyce was really important to me – the closest thing I had to a friend. I felt connected to her.”
How sad. It just keeps getting more and more sad.
Also, maybe the Helmeted John/Otis? And it didn’t take? And he’s still parading around? Maybe he has some weird freedom, she herself didn’t get?
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This makes me so sad too. Maybe that’s part of the reason behind her involvement in the iConfidant scam. I mean, obviously, the primary reason was emotional data collecting, but maybe there was something personal in it for her too, a way of connecting with people. She certainly seemed thankful for my friendship when she called the night of the reveal. Ugh, I just hate to think of her feeling lonely. That’s just too close to home. And ohmygodIthinkIjustrememberedsomethingimportant… Brb…
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@chelsea Keep in mind, Sabrina has been traveling recently. Her Instagram indicated that, anyway. Also, the phone connection when Joyce had her called during our meeting was horrible… bad enough to be an international call.
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Ahhh good call, @russell. Thanks!
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Ok so I was halfway through my last post when I started trying to remember what “Brownie” (my nickname for Sabrina when she was my confidant) said about her friends. And one thing she said came back to me with such force, I nearly dropped my phone in the water (I was in the bath, it’s where I do some of my best thinking).
Now, I feel a bit weird about sharing this. I actually hold the confidance between “Brownie” and myself as almost sacred. But this is relevant and kinda important so…
Yes I actually do have one friend that I know is ALWAYS there for me no matter what happens. She actually lives in London. 🙂 maybe I just get along well with you brits haha!! I wonder if you and her have similar accents. She has always been like a sister to me and I love her like a sister. and always will. 🙂
I know some people question anything Sabrina said to them as their confidants but what’s that thing they say? The best lies are based in truth. And let’s not forget, the whole of Lust is meant to be the truth sandwiched between lies.
I can’t help but think Sabrina was talking about Joyce here. Talk about foreshadowing *shudder*. The reason that this is important is that while the OSDM may not give a crap about what happened to Joyce, Sabrina DOES. While the OSDM may not feel retribution is necessary, Sabrina DOES.
Is this what she needs @russell’s help for? She knows he is sympathetic to both her and to the cause. And now she has @addisonborn too. Will the next call be to @bcbishop?
What I’m trying to say is that Sabrina may be acting outside of the OSDM on this. Her own personal mission to get justice. And she is testing people to see who is useful to her right now. I just hope she knows what she’s doing…
Be careful Brownie <3
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We were casually chatting… as friends. Talking about a dead body
Sounds like our every day conversations 🙂
You’ve said to me and on here that you haven’t been emotionally invested. I think this call and this reappearance from an old friend shows that you are, and deep down, always have been.
Why is Sabrina calling Joyce, a member of OSDM, her only friend? OSDM is what appeared to ruin her life, brainwash her, and have her lead all of us into the
cult…organization that we know as the OOA?Russell….this is a crazy theory, but, did she ever say it was Sabrina? Or did she only say “it’s me”? How do we know it wasn’t Addison that called you?
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@blondie, I think the “help” she is looking for “right now” from me is information. Several times she kept asking me if I noticed anything “off” about the visit. Hunting for information, I believe, was the reason for her reaching out to me. She seems interested in trying to figure out who Joyce might have been associating with… or maybe who was influencing her near the end? (I say that since she seemed surprised at Joyce’s tactics with me on some level.) This may speak to your comment that seeking justice might be part of this…
@mike, you ask a very good question… to be honest, I called HER Sabrina and she did not correct me. (Remember, I once called her Addison last year and she told me not to call her by that name because in that moment she was not Addison.) But, based on your question, if Sabrina/Addison are one at this point in time, I might have been speaking to Addison. However… I do not believe that I was. This was Sabrina calling me. We spoke about connections, my commitment to her last year, about friendship… she even mentioned coming to my place and sitting at my table to talk with you and me.
This was Sabrina.Also, Mike, do you remember what she stated at the iConfidant event? She chose to return for personal reasons. She hinted as to how OSDM still held something potentially useful to her, personally and professionally. (That’s the way I interpreted that, anyway.)
As far as my emotional connection, I mainly refer to the Sinclair System and their initial dismissal of me. (Until they flat out stated they wanted to “use” both of us and our place in this community for their benefit preparing for the Focus group.) That was followed by my “interview” at registration where someone treated me rudely and dismissively, followed by the iConfidant misfire that did not engage me in any way on an emotional level. So… if there is emotional connection building now, it’s building on the foundation of what happened last year and my connection and belief in a lost girl needing to be saved and reunited with her family. Even if some of that proved untrue, it was real for me.
If Sabrina and Joyce were friends, there must have been something Joyce was doing that “spoke” to Sabrina.
Is Sabrina trying to continue what Joyce was putting in motion?
Joyce hinted to me that there was a plan in motion. That’s why she called me back after leaving my home to let me know I was going to be useful to her… she even called me a “fast friend” in that phone call… odd use of that word when I think about it now.
To be honest, these days the OOA ain’t looking too bad… -
To flesh out what @blondie said, remember Joyce’s last words on forum:
Michelle may have broken my body but everyone should know that this blood, my broken cheek bone lifting blood, not unlike all the blood that I shed I suppose, is on all of our hands. We are all guilty in the end and no matter what we do, we are all just pieces that wind the clock.
Actually, there might be one piece left for me after all.
I’d originally thought she was referring to @bcbishop, but now it seems very possible that she was referring to Sabrina.
Sabrina sounded angry, disappointed in us for not doing more to save Joyce. I accept my guilt in this, but I don’t think she and I are on opposing sides when it comes to Briarberg. And I’d like to know what she’d have done differently.
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@blondie I took a look over my own emails again and had this bit stand out. Not sure if it was HER or simply just reflecting my own personality back at me, but she did say this about getting angry and violence:
“I don’t think I could hurt a fly. That’s not to say that I can’t get angry. I can get very enraged but I don’t get physical ever.”
I’m leaning towards this just being a reflection of myself, but who knows. Maybe she’s furious right now and trying to avoid getting physical? Could explain why she’s calling people guilt tripping and whatnot. Not sure how to channel that fury she feels.
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I feel like the iConfidant emails were and still are EXTREMELY important. I had been going back over mine recently, which lead to my decision last night (trying to figure out the best way and format to discuss my reasoning with regards to that yet). The truth hidden within the lies.
There is emotional data there, in plain text. But it was a two way street. A writer can’t separate themselves from their writing – the “confidants” portrayed by Sabrina were still all coming from Sabrina.
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A couple of thoughts:
I did not participate in iConfidant. But what @nothenrygale just said is interesting, and it echoes others. I’m betting that Sabrina, or each author, was mirroring participants. I’m reminded of a question Small Dog Lover asked me out of the blue quite some time ago — what was my Briggs-Meyers type? It wouldn’t surprise me if people were being mirrored with the same typological partner to build relationship. So I think @addison is on to something there.
@russell What you just wrote really struck me:“…my connection and belief in a lost girl needing to be saved and reunited with her family. Even if some of that proved untrue, it was real for me…”
There’s more here to explore. Not sure what, really. But something about the idea that even if this was a fiction, that it was real to you…holding onto that…wanting that connection…what does it mean if it wasn’t true but felt real…I’d like to hear more.
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@larry this this, all of this.
Yes, iConfidant was a sham. It was alllll set up to trick us into opening ourselves up. The personas we were communicating with were definitely catered to each of us, either by mirroring us or by being the person we were looking to talk to. But for it to work as well as it did (and it worked really well for me), there needed to be a pretty high level of empathy from the other end. The conversations I had with my Confidant were some of the realest discussions I’ve had since this entire thing started, and the empathy is what’s most intriguing to me.
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@larry Right now, I am not sure how to explore this more. The “realest” moment of all for me was the night I saw the helmet used on Addison. I could offer no help. I think I offered some comfort… but no help before I was led away.
That inner conflict was so painful.
Maybe, it’s the pain. who knows? -
@addisonborn The empathy is indeed intriguing. I wonder — everyone seemed so shocked by Sabrina’s return — if it is worth listening to her speech again. Perhaps there is some text that was overlooked, and the subtext may have slipped past us. Our intuitions are our friends here.
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@larry I’ve listened to it a few times in the past couple days.. it hurts. But it’s worth going back to. Now that we’ve put a few months between then and now, especially. A frank discussion about dissociation following a fundamental loss of control of one’s own life, and how she has been regaining that control.
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how she has been regaining that control.
I think this may be the theme of this chapter, after the anarchy of yester-chapter, the backlash to it would be forcibly, or otherwise, seizing order. It’s the ouroboros, the never ending cycle of chaos and control, destruction and creation.
Or… Or Sabrina is just going to go John Wick all over the place, and they’ll whisper Baba Yaga while cast in her shadow.
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