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For anyone who’s having trouble keeping up, here’s a quick refresher!
Context
A leaked letter yesterday raised some questions about who, in the Lust world, is working against the OSDM, publicly or privately. These questions were also raised by the release of a Haunting article in which Darren and Clint appeared to be sneaking some comments past the OSDM imploring us to look closer at what they were trying to tell us.
So now, we’re looking closer. Have Darren and Clint been trying to secretly undermine the OSDM? Are they part of the Resistance? Are they their own Resistance? Who IS the Resistance, anyway?
Current status of the Resistance
In a video last year, Noah, Mason, Michelle, Morgan, and Joyce were seen together, claiming that they had been working together to prepare us to face the darkness of the OSDM and Horace. We have started calling them “The System Five” (not an official title), or “The Resistance”.
Before that video, Noah had been assumed to be running The System in service to the OSDM. Mason and Michelle had been assumed to be working for the OSDM’s rival, the Briarberg Foundation. And Joyce had been assumed to be dead. Morgan was the only known member of the Resistance, openly leading “BOS,” a resistance dating back to Tension days.
Now, we’re debating not only whether they were in league with Darren and Clint, but also whether they are all truly Resistance…or if any or all of them could be double agents, free agents, OSDM puppets, etc.
Resistance (or Possible Resistance) Character Backgrounds
Mason
(I give you warning that this section will be the longest; Mason has used the most “cover” personalities.)
Mason’s first appearance may or may not have been during Tension. The connection hasn’t been verified. 1) In the car with Julie, Michelle spoke to someone on the phone, saying, “I need you to listen to me, Jack. I don’t give a shit if the fucking Queen of England is giving him a fucking blow job right now.” and 2) Several members of the Resistance messaged “Sentinel Being” on Facebook, an account that was allegedly run by two people – someone named James, and someone named Mason. All this is said with the caveat that neither one is necessarily the Mason/Jack of Lust: different people can have the same first name, after all.
Mason’s first appearance in Lust was at The Midnight Commission’s inaugural event. He appeared to be assisting Morgan, and he spoke very little. He was seen again at TMC’s second event on August 5th. At both events, he was going by the name “Jack”.
In late August, Chapter 4, the chapter of Mason, began. (For a more thorough account, see Chapter 4 in the Timeline.) Short version: someone identifying himself as Mason Silver began contacting participants and asking them about ethical breaches in Tension. He painted himself as someone interested in investigating ethics in immersive theater. His arrival appeared to send Joyce (then known as a spokesperson for OSDM) into a panic, and she threatened him and those who listened to him, accusing him of gamejacking. He also contacted several cast members, who reported getting a strange vibe from him.
On August 30, user @addisonborn received a call containing a recording of a single side of a conversation. In that conversation, Clint seemed to be wondering who Mason was.
Over the course of the chapter, Mason repeatedly insisted that Lust was not a game. He made creepy calls to several women, most notably @coryphella. He claimed that he had been brought up in the OSDM; that he had tried using the helmet (allegedly used by the OSDM to brainwash people) but that it had only led him to an epiphany; and that he had started the Briarberg Foundation in opposition to the OSDM.
In September, he and Michelle appeared to break into Joyce’s apartment, beat her, and kidnap her. It was at this point that people realized that he was “Jack,” the Midnight Commission assistant. Later, he claimed that Joyce had died of her injuries, and that he and Joyce had a young daughter together.
Later on, in Chapter 6, Mason appeared to be killing former members of the OSDM at Sabrina’s behest. At one point, he taunted A: “hey @a, i should have a house party, invite all your peeps, and see you try to delete me then”
But on November 1, Mason went live with a Facebook video in which he appeared to discard his old persona, throwing away his Rubik’s cube, putting on glasses, and appearing to be quiet and normal. The next day, he broadcast a video that uncovered dark secrets about OSDM retreats.
On November 7, a Facebook video went up of Mason, Joyce, Michelle, Morgan, and Noah quoting “The System” videos. Morgan later leaked the second half of the video, in which Noah revealed they had all been working together. Noah and Mason, in fact, went way back, as they’d both been brought up in the OSDM.
After that, Mason mostly appeared to be quiet and pleasant. Noah apparently texted him and asked him to participate in the MSE, as one of the guides, which he did. In that conversation he appeared to be a bit awkward and stiff, which Noah clearly expected. However, attendees of the MSE who saw him described him as commanding.
At the MSE finale, during a standoff between BOS and OSDM, Mason walked over and stood with the BOS. This seemed to shock and infuriate Cecilia Sinclair. Later, in the parking lot with Morgan and participants, Mason recited Morgan’s credit card number from memory and in general seemed intelligent and shy.
Morgan
During Tension, Morgan was a participant like the rest of us. He joined BOS early on, and was crushed when it was revealed to simply be a work of the OSDM, designed to lure us on. However, Michelle told us that we, the participants, had made the Resistance real.
In Lust, he started out as a low-key presence. But in June, mysterious account Dark2Light warned us that one among us was not who they said they were. This turned out to be Morgan, who had secretly been running The Midnight Commission ARG in order to recruit for BOS. He declared his intention of taking the OSDM down, and immediately a number of participants declared their loyalty.
Later, he hosted a second Midnight Commission event, and still later he was seen participating in Noah’s System workshop. He and Noah were apparently in “talks”. What exactly this meant was unclear.
In September, together with Stacey Erikson, he appeared to deploy “MyChild,” an artificial intelligence infiltrating the OSDM systems, and use it to destroy most of the OSDM’s data. This, Sabrina told us, caused a shutdown of worldwide offices, and (it was theorized) the execution of OSDM employees, who knew too much.
In October, Morgan began to express confusion, calling participants to sort out their allegiances. He told Bryan that nothing was adding up, and that the big bad might not be who we thought it was at all. He also told Meghan that he was no longer sure what was IG, OOG, or game-jacking. He wrote that he had felt unlike himself, that he had been confused, and later appeared to have a breakdown. It was revealed that as part of his investigation into the OSDM he had interviewed Erika Quintana about OSDM retreats, which revealed some upsetting new details.
He, like Mason, appeared in Noah’s System reveal video.
Leading up to the Midseason Event, he sent several emails to participants, giving them instructions on how to blend in and where to be. When participants arrived at the event, he told them that he had managed to route them from the “decoy” event to the “actual” OSDM event. He gave us instructions on how to blend in.
At the MSE finale, he led a group of BOS members into the compound to interrupt the rape ceremony that was about to take place; but although he was able to stop the ceremony, he was too late to stop Sabrina from being impregnated by Granik, supposedly with Anoch.
Michelle
Michelle first expressed her scorn for the OSDM at “The End” of Tension, claiming that their use of data was foolish and superstitious. Later, toward the beginning of Lust, she warned Buz to be on his guard. Very little is known about her.
Joyce
Joyce was introduced as a spokesperson working in community relations for OSDM. Together with Mason and Michelle, she faked her death, allowing them to pretend to beat her unconscious with a baseball bat, and even apparently posing as a corpse in Mason’s trunk. But leading up to Noah’s video reveal, she returned alive and well. It is unknown if she has always worked for Noah, if she was ever truly an OSDM spokesperson, or if she and Mason really have a child together (unlikely).
Noah
Noah first came on the scene as the angsty, frequently-drunk face of The System, an alpha-male-esque self-help seminar. His father and the alleged head of OSDM, Horace, was displeased with his behavior and was looking for alternatives to replace him, including AI imitation technology. Noah undermined his father in several ways, including stealing participant hard copy data. When Noah outright rebelled and fled, Horace found him and quickly brought him back into the OSDM fold. We didn’t hear from Noah for a while after that.
When Noah re-emerged, he appeared to be back on track to take over The System, releasing a series of commanding videos and assigning participants tasks in order to help them become stronger. But at the in-person seminar, he confronted his father in front of everyone, trying to get him to reveal his true intentions and beliefs regarding Anoch.
After that, he supposedly masterminded several chapters of the Lust Experience, working with the other members of what we call “the System Five” to prepare us emotionally to face the darkness of the MSE.
However, at the MSE, his relationship with OSDM seemed murky. He told several people that it was tempting, being there; that he had grown up in it; that he was like an alcoholic in the family brewery. He and his wife Sarah appeared to have a vehement argument that led to him crying in her arms during the finale.
Darren and Clint
Darren and Clint’s role has always been shadowy.
* At the Tension book release party in March, Michelle interrupted the celebration, slapped DLB, denounced his lies and propaganda, and sent us scurrying out of the building.
* In March, Darren told Julie that he was no longer involved: the investors had taken over.
* In March, Clint emailed Bryan a very strange email referencing events that had never happened. Embedded in the email was a hidden message warning him to walk away, and a link to the cover of the album “Sound the Alarm”.
* Some AI mirrors of Clint and Darren poorly imitated them on the forums. These presumably were created by the investors to assure people that everything was fine. They failed to convince participants.
* In May, both Darren and Clint were seen at Lust Registration. Afterward, Clint asked Bryan why on earth he kept coming back.
* In May, Sarah Sinclair leaked audio of a phone conversation between Darren and an investor, in which it sounded like Darren was being blackmailed to stay involved against his will.
* In August, a flurry of activity appeared to be connected to Darren and Clint. A leaked recording of Andrew Perez was sent to Blondie from Darren’s number. In a recording leaked to several, someone appeared to be locked out of “the Creators” account. Clint appeared to be confused about who Mason was. It seemed that the creators’ homes were bugged. In an Instagram photo of Clint, Meghan spotted a “returned to sender” letter addressed to Stephanie. Kasch leaked some relevant emails involving Darren and Clint, which have since been deleted. It seemed that the creators’ homes were bugged.
* In October, Darren begged Sabrina not to continue what she was doing and to “LEAVE”, saying she’s better than this.
* Now, the letter and the interview point to further efforts to warn us away. The letter (technically from D to C, no full names) describes a desire to tear it down, and mentions something “starting” at the System workshop. For context, there was some unrest after the System workshop because some participants debated the ethics of the workshop’s interactions with the inhabitants of Skid Row. This may or may not be what “D” refers to when he says people will be “pissed”.To see the original threads for these events, check out the Timeline here:
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I just posted a Periscope that summarizes things from the macro perspective. Thanks to all and @bcbishop, I think we have cracked the nut from the big picture side of things. I’ll recount it here, as it will nicely complement @daela’s fine work above on the details. In short, I think we can now view any given interaction or moment within a more define context of where it fits in the entire narrative. It’s like we’ve been inside a jigsaw puzzle. We get pieces thrown at us, but have no idea how they fit together because we don’t see the entire completed puzzle because we are inside the damn thing.
Now, I hope this will give us the entire completed puzzle, so we can look at any given piece in our hand, and see where it fits.
In short, however, we are in a great deal of danger. I know we’ve been told that repeatedly, but I see now why DLB and Clint have been warning us off.
But first — throw out every theory to date. Forget it all. Start fresh.
The Creators: DLB, Clint, and Gordon wanted to do an immersive theater show. Gordon found some sketchy investors. What he may or may not know is that they are tied to a cult.
The cult has two branches:
Disciples of Anoch (DOA) — An old school religion that believes in a spooky reptilian God named Anoch. This branch is run by Horace Sinclair, and his wife Cecilia. The cult has not been able to communicate with Anoch, so the Book of Anoch says they must find an Oracle to do so — someone who can survive having all 5 senses removed.
OSDM — New School. Driven by gathering emotional data to manipulate world events.The Creators think the cult is all nonsense, but still look the other way when ACTORS are cast for their show, The Tension Experience, and must go to a retreat. They see weird, spooky rituals, and are brainwashed into believing they really are in a cult. These include Sabrina Kern.
The Creators have their money, brainwashed actors, and recruit audiences and put on The Tension Experience. OSDM is thrilled because Participants are willingly handing over all kinds of hard and emotional data for them. The DOA are less happy. While Participants don’t realize that the cult is looking for an Oracle, and people may die in the process, they don’t expect Participants to care as much as they do about Sabrina. Then OSDM gets pissed because her presence is fucking up their data collection.
Noah Sinclair, son of Horace and Cecilia, is brought in to rectify things. He fails. The Cult shuts the whole thing down, by “killing” all the actors in front of Participants. Sabrina escapes and goes free. We all go back to our lives, and the actors are apparently released as well.
Everyone reunites for a book release party to commemorate The Tension Experience. But the party is crashed by Horace and Michelle, an OSDM operative, who is pissed that The Creators are trying to co-opt their cultish doings for a show. She slaps DLB and burns the site to the ground. No one dies, but vegetables are burnt to a crisp.
The Creators are freaked out. They realize they have made a deal with the Devil, literally. They have seen some weird shit, inferring it is supernatural. Worse, this DOA cult won’t release them, and the Investors are pissed because they lost a lot of money on the “art project”. They launch The Lust Experience to make back their money, and so the cult can get a second bite at us. DLB and Clint are worried. They need to do something.
They secretly create another ARG called The Midnight Commission (TMC) and recruit Morgan to run it. TMC is then revealed to be the new Brotherhood of Seraph (BoS), taking the name of a fictional resistance against the cult in The Tension Experience. So they will try and fuck things up from the inside while appearing to nod their heads and be good soldiers for the cult on the outside.
The cult launches a two-pronged attack on us to lure us back in. First DOA has a registration event and creates iConfidant to get us emotionally involved again. It turns out that they tried to leverage our emotions with Sabrina Kern, who ran iConfidant after returning to the cult because she enjoyed the power of attention.
Meanwhile, Noah Sinclair wants to try and recruit us a different way: through self-realization. He creates The System. He holds a focus group with wife Sarah.
Then comes The System Seminar, and we get a very clear picture that Noah and Horace are very much at odds and always have been. It is from this Seminar that Noah decides to secretly break with his father. He realizes he may have a friend in BoS, so they ally for the DTLA pop-up event to help the homeless. This was done to get the Participants to side more with Noah as a “good guy”. OF course, Noah is closely watched by his father. Horace orders The Creators to oversee the event.
People think Noah is an okay guy after the event, so Noah is emboldened. He thinks he can steal us away from Horace.
He splinters off and create The Briarberg Foundation (aka The System 5), along with friends Mason, Joyce, Michelle, and Morgan. But he will stay in the shadows and let Mason run it.Once Mason appears on the scene, DLB and Clint freak out. Who is this psycho? Clint thinks he is real.
Stephanie freaks out and tells me she thinks he’s real.Briarberg calls a meeting for seven of us. This is real. They actually are trying to tell us we really are in a cult, that DLB and CS are just hacks who were pulled in to tell a story and aren’t our friends, and look, we have Stephanie, Miles, and another cast member from Tension to tell you what really went on there. Oh, and actors Jeremy and Damien and Terence are too terrified to reveal anything to any of us about the spooky retreat, so that should be more proof.
Then Noah — still under the guise of The System — puts us through the paces to strengthen us for the upcoming MSE. Remember, he isn’t just rebelling against Horace, he can take control if he builds an army of self-actualized people who don’t believe in snake gods but in themselves…and in him.
Then he reveals that he is behind Briarberg. The MSE is going to be a challenge.
On one side is the Anoch crew, who wants to seduce us with what we lust after.
On the other side is Briarberg, who wants us to stand tough and not go the easy route.
Noah is watching all of us. He wants to find the ones who perform the best. He himself, however, per @chelsea, struggles with just taking the “Keys to the kingdom” and caving to the den of iniquity that the Anoch followers are.
The MSE is run by The Creators, just like Tension, lest “the addendum” be triggered.
Noah breaks up the Honoring, saying truthfully that one doesn’t find a Savior this way but by hard work and self reliance.There is one other possibility about the MSE.
It was all staged….by Briarberg. Noah was still testing us. Everyone was an actor. We know some were for sure.
We never saw Horace. We don’t know for sure Cecilia is his real wife.
We saw Victoria, who was also cast in TENSION. We saw Karlie Blair, another immersive actress.
The only question then is why Sabrina was there. For this theory to work, SHE has to be a double agent.—————————————-
The Lust ThemeWhat do we want and what will we do to get it? Do we go for the fluffernutter like Horace wants us to, and cave to easy temptation? Or do we work for it, and in the process achieve self-actualization and realize it is the journey and not what we want that matters?
The Creators lusted to tell their story, and took the fluffernutter. Oops.
Noah struggles. Give in to Dad and alcoholism and drugs and keys to the kingdom, or find himself the hard way?
Sabrina caved and returned to the easy path for attention and power.
The Investors lust after profit.
Horace et al lust for a savior as if it grows like a snake on a vine.
I think we all can maximize our experience by clearly identifying what we lust after.The overarching theme of Plato’s Cave is about not letting ourselves be entranced by the pretty pictures on the wall projected by, well, The Creators or Anoch or OSDM, but by self-actualization. Get out of the damn cave.
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The Stephanie RiddleViewed now in context, Mason was trying to get to Stephanie to set up the Briarberg event. He knew she would make a good witness for them. On 8/22, he was following her and I think Mason or Noah was “astranger”, pointing out my Hero Complex (“You can’t save them all”). He calls her while we were out on 8/24. She tells me, “What if he’s real?” — right around the time Clint fears the same thing. She is really upset that night and even accuses me of being behind the whole thing, so I can “win”, so I can “play the hero”. Then she learns her house has been bugged. She is freaking out and just wants OUT. Hence the returned letter to Clint.
Mason eventually makes contact and explains. She buys into it.
I NOW BELIEVE THE CALL I GOT FROM HER on 9/2 TELLING ME NEVER TO SPEAK TO HER AGAIN was not her, but came from the DOA. They figured out what Mason was up to, they knew he was trying to turn her, and tried to undermine her because if they lose her, they lose me. IF they lose me, they may lose others.
The Briarberg meeting happens on 9/7. Sure enough, I believe her.
As for the MSE and now:
I sure hope it was all a Briarberg ruse, because then she was just acting the whole time.
If not and that was OSDM/DOA HQ:
1) If she was in her right mind, then she was acting the whole weekend. The attempted rape was unexpected, though. She called for Darren, so she knew he was running the operation. We get out of there, and perhaps she made off with some DOA artifacts in the mystery box. She claims not to remember the weekend, for her own protection and maybe mine.
2) If she was brainwashed, then Briarberg deprogramming failed. Ugh. That means she can still be activated again.
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A Final ReminderThe DLB letter is very disturbing. All along I thought this was just a game. I bought into the cult angle after Briarberg, but they never followed up, which I’ve never understood. That pushed me back into the idea that this was all just artifice. But after the MSE, I’ve never been able to shake how Stephanie cannot or refuses to remember the weekend. We’re besties, and if something really bad was going down for either of us, we’d tell the other.
DLB is a level headed guy. So is Clint. This letter is so unlike them.
I don’t know quite what we’ve gotten ourselves into, but I’m regretting being involved at all now.
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Thanks for doing all this, Larry. It really helped put it all into focus for me. The part I’m struggling with (most) is the MSE. If it was a Briarberg event, that would validate the theory that Cecilia was an actress who has now gone rogue. I’m not sure I buy that, unless the OSDM got to her and started paying her to continue the role. I could maybe buy that. However, the real problem with this interpretation of the MSE is that not only was Sabrina there, but Tim/Tom/whatever was there, as well. So I feel like there had to have been more going on than simply a complete Briarberg/System Five/Creators fraud (though there was clearly an element of fraud/trickery on their part).
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@remrelganaps Yeah, I just floated that theory but don’t really subscribe to it.
What’s troubling is that if this was for real, then DLB was okay with having his friend Stephanie be activated by OSDM for the event. That makes him culpable.
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And while I’m at it, I’m going to call out @russell, who said, “I have it on very good authority that Briarberg is a lie”.
Given what I see, I think someone is lying to you, my friend. I’d like to know who this authority is and what was proffered to you so as to convince you of this.
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@larry – I’ve watched it a couple of times now and I just don’t see it. I think your recap right up through the end of the book release party is quite possibly DEAD ON, and great job on that, but after that, I don’t know. You’re leaving out key plot points. I think, at this point, it’s a mistake to look at something as major as the MSE and dismiss individual things that happened within it as just them fucking with us unless the entire thing was staged by an entity we are completely unaware of at the moment. Not Briarberg. Not one more test by Noah. Because that means that two major things in a row were just tests from Noah – and now we’re getting into “Boy Who Cried Wolf” territory, which could work, could be interesting, but [meta warning] do you really want to stake an entire year long story on a bunch of people getting exasperated with characters and saying yeah, we don’t believe you anymore because you lied to us the first two times? [end meta warning]
I am just about done with trying to theorize or figure anything out – I’m listening to the advice I was given in July and I’m going to stop thinking. But, there is something I think we need to seriously consider as we move into part 2. @bcbishop brought it up, and that is the issue of taking action, making choices as individuals (sorry Bryan if I’m paraphrasing). I think that as individuals we carry a lot more agency in this than we believe, and and any theory should really put us (not us the community but us as individuals) in it. There are reasons why certain things happen to certain people. There are reasons why we’ve been told that we have talents to use (I think this has been said at least twice). There are reasons why self-actualization is the model we’re taught – that’s not about the group, that’s about the individual. There are reasons why we have to save “ourselves” and not each other. We, as individuals, have power here. Actions make things happen. Don’t be afraid to take them, even if they aren’t what the group wants. The other thing that needs to be a part of theories right now is alchemy – it’s being shoved in our faces. The “science” of the transformation of matter. The first image we received on Instagram had a Seal of Solomon on it. There are many others, all of which have specific uses. That could be another hint that there are things that need doing.
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I agree, @coryphella, that the MSE seems to be more complicated than Larry’s version wants it to be. And every moment, I get more convinced that our choices may be the ONLY ultimate answer to everything that’s going on.
I keep going back to the most recent interview, as I feel like amongst anything else it might be, it’s either preparation or a -warning- about what is to come. An attempt to prepare us for what may be even more personalized events, what may be a story even more driven by -exactly- what we do or don’t do.
I find that both a little terrifying and a lot exhilarating.
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I think that as individuals we carry a lot more agency in this than we believe, and and any theory should really put us (not us the community but us as individuals) in it. There are reasons why certain things happen to certain people. There are reasons why we’ve been told that we have talents to use (I think this has been said at least twice). There are reasons why self-actualization is the model we’re taught – that’s not about the group, that’s about the individual. There are reasons why we have to save “ourselves” and not each other.
+111111111 to all of this, @corpyhella.
Community is an awesome idea, and we’ve all met wonderful people through The Experience. But community can also be a cocoon; a bubble of groupthink that puts the hive mind above the individual. We see it literally everywhere in online media today, and who can blame anyone? There’s real safety in that.
But what we’ve found ourselves wrapped up in is not safe. It’s the opposite of safe. And as @coryphella points out, much of what we’ve seen thus far has been about pushing us as individuals to step away from that group mentality to think and say and do things that make us inherently uncomfortable; to act on our own.
If the lesson of Tension was that we spend too much time passively living our lives through intermediated screens instead of being present, the lesson of Lust thus far could be that we spend too much time worrying about if we fit into this or that comfy tribal bubble — instead of being courageous enough to take hold of our own personal narratives and becoming who we really are.
Or, if we want to tie in the alchemy themes: instead of transforming into what we truly can be.
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I keep thinking about agency. It’s all I’ve been thinking about over this weekend (partly because I’ve been sick and without a voice and when you CAN’T speak….you want to all the more.) It’s also been much on my mind right now for a number of different reasons in my own creative endeavors.
But in the context of Lust, I’m really contemplating how -seriously- they want us to take it. I am contemplating how seriously -I- am going to take it. Could I betray someone here -just- because of a piece of ‘immersive theatre’? What if they could prove to me that I, too, can see a snake god? Would I do it for -that- chance? Or -because- of that chance? Would I, in the end, balk at the idea because I consider myself, in general, a good person?
Or am I -so- interested in having a real, honest, emotional moment that I’ll get caught up in things that are foolish because I’m seeking that very goal?
I honestly don’t know what choices I might make in the months to come. I believe I will make the choice that seems best FOR ME, whatever that is at the time. What I am beginning to really wonder is how much I will even THINK about whether that choice is best for anyone else (including my own roommate). That, in turn, is making me wonder how ‘good’ of a person I am–or whether being ‘good’ is even relevant here, when the entire point may be the CHOICE, and not the INTENT. Which cycles me right back to agency again.
I am very, very interested in seeing what happens when the 14th rolls around.
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@unseenpresence This is not immersive theater. It is a cult disguised as such. Your choices going forward would best reflect that reality.
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@larry – Note that I put the words ‘immersive theatre’ in quotes, yes? That was meant to imply exactly what you just said. If I were convinced it was -entirely- and -only- immersive theatre, my internal debate on agency would be not far less of a conflict internally.
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If the lesson of Tension was that we spend too much time passively living our lives through intermediated screens instead of being present, the lesson of Lust thus far could be that we spend too much time worrying about if we fit into this or that comfy tribal bubble — instead of being courageous enough to take hold of our own personal narratives and becoming who we really are.
I think this is dead on and it’s something we’ve seen since the very beginning.
This quote from Noah to @bcbishop has lodged itself in my brain since March:
The only fear was ever inside your head.While I was looking for that, I found Noah’s version of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. This part stood out:
Because who did he have when that wolf got in his fucking head and screwed around with him and nobody would deal with it? He had to pull himself up in his little open-toed fucking sandals, turn his fucking cheek, and he made something of himself. He didn’t have anybody else that he could rely on. That’s what it’s about.There’s been a push to get us out of our own heads and relying on ourselves the whole time. I would also argue that there’s an element of dropping any preconceptions you have about things as well.
I’ll use myself as an example, but I’m sure everyone has a similar story. Way back in May, at Registration, I was told that I would need both head and heart to get through this. I continued to spend the next few months being analytical of everything, and being stuck in my head. Then came Noah’s tasks, designed to push everyone far outside of their comfort zone and confront the fears we had, but also the fears of saying those same things out loud. I struggled with it and got something out and there was a moment of catharsis, I didn’t have to be afraid of saying those things out loud. I didn’t need to worry about what I thought people might think.
Fast forward to Anointment. I’m certainly more comfortable, but still not entirely, talking about myself in the early happenings. The same thing applied to my level of physical discomfort (appreciated the towel, thank you kindly). Anna’s reading, of course, boiled down to that I spend too much time over-thinking things, that maybe I allow that over-thinking to act as a wall to hide behind, and that I could do more if I opened up. Now, some of those are hard habits to break, but it is something that I’d like to work on and continue working on. What I’ve really taken away though, is the idea that so much of what I’m afraid of is based on (probably) incorrect perceptions of what other people will think. They probably won’t even care, they got their own shit going on. Find that self-worth in my own actions and emotional truths.
(While thinking about Anna’s reading after Anointment a few days later, and reflecting on the head/heart thing she discussed, I was stunned by the coincidence of how well it lined up with what I had been told at Registration. At least I think it was coincidence.)
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Great stuff @kevin
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@bcbishop and @coryphella Yes, nothing of what I wrote is meant to infer otherwise. It’s merely a stab at what I think is going on as far as events. Every action has a reaction, and that’s no different here.
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