A Personal Visit from Joyce on 8/23/17

Some quick thoughts before I mind vomit all over this thread with the most detailed description I can recall…

@macbethinabathtub, no I don’t consider myself an expert on @creepsociety. The reason these questions might be directed at me is that I did publicly stated today I was going to make an effort to see her in person. (But, hey, others did the same.) There is the connection that she and I went through Ascension together. Maybe they were simply fishing to see if we had made a connection that had grown deeper since that event?

@remrelganaps @daela @shaun @buz and… others… 😉
Everyone seems to be pointing toward the amount of information they have gathered and I think that is key. I do not think this show of “power” of posting the picture of my files indicates blackmail, necessarily. Although everything there is info I did divulge, there are definitely a few things I was honest about that I would prefer they not put on public display. I did reveal some deep fears and triggers, even a bit of sexual info… it’s not necessarily damning, but could subject me to ridicule or manipulation by others.

@kevin I don’t see what happened to me tonight as dirt digging and you hit upon why… as we learn more, I think this sort of meeting is part of her job. I think I am seen as a misfire after the iConfidant event and if they did not succeed in “on-boarding” me (as they say in the corporate world) in that moment… this is the woman who has the data that might reveal why. This whole thing with me tonight could be research on to how to better manipulate ALL OF US. (Not just me.)

Here is a breakdown of this meeting as best as I can recall…

This took me by surprise. Completely.

I have not been around for two reasons. Health issues, which some of you may know, but there was something bigger. The recent focus on The System left me feeling out in the cold since I truly do not see myself as potential for that and some of the tactics being displayed left me… disconcerted.

I missed a No Caller ID call during a work meeting today. An hour later, I received another. Upon answering, a lovely female voice with a slight accent asked, “Russell, do you know who this is?” Honestly, I did not.

She informed me it was Joyce and she had reached the conclusion that she and I needed to talk… tonight. She said it was imperative. After some arranging of schedules, I agreed to be at home… because she said I needed to be in a “quiet place,” I assumed she was going to call and reveal some information to me.

Much to my surprise, at 7:30 my phone rang, moments later I escorted four people into my home.

First to enter was Joyce, I indicated she was free to sit anywhere she pleased… she paused for a moment then said, “Now I am entering,” and proceeded to sit on my sofa and open up her briefcase on my coffee table. During stiff chit-chat, my recent hospital visit was acknowledged and Joyce mentioned she had also been away recently.

Following her were a young man, fair complexion and sandy brown hair with a boyish face and charming smile. He indicated I needed to lift my arms, he patted me down for security reasons. Third was an attractive woman wearing a black coat… underneath I caught a glimpse of a maroon dress. She did not speak. Fourth, was Otis. He was the only one who accepted my offer of a handshake, but he introduced himself very softly as “John, I play Otis.” He mumbled this and I hope I heard that correctly. He said it after the handshake and as he was walking into the living room. He sat on the arm of my sofa. Young Man stood by my television, young woman hovered near me.

I offered food and drink if they wanted it, they refused. Joyce insisted I sit in a chair nearby so we could begin. When I sat down, the Young Woman in the black coat began caressing me flirtatiously. This continued during the entire conversation.

The questions began. (I asked if I could record or take notes, the request was flatly refused… I am remembering this as best I can, people! Haha!)
Joyce had a picture of me on a clipboard and it seemed to be attached to several papers. (The picture was a vacation picture from several years ago that was used once last year during Tension.)

She asked if there was any color or noise that produced feelings of deep aggression or anger in me. She consulted the paperwork and then quoted to me a response from my original Tension questionnaire. This is going to sound weird people… “Improvisational jazz causes feelings of extreme anxiety whenever I hear it.” I explained this was true to the degree that if I hear improvisational jazz as muzak in a store, I usually leave the store. We discussed this quirk a bit, then moved on. (I think she found it a bit amusing, actually.)

She then asked if I knew a Kristin Brown aka @creepsociety, if I knew who she was. I explained I had met Kristin at “Ascension” last year, we shared our first times through. Not satisfied, Joyce wanted to know everything I could tell her about Kristin. I took the tactic of trying to lead Joyce into divulging what type of information she was on the hunt for… “Well, I believe she lives in Texas… I believe she has a… podcast… a blog, maybe?” The tactic failed. Joyce did not let me know if this was the type of information she was looking for or not. She filled in no blanks.

Around this time, the young man asked where my kitchen was, I pointed him in the direction of it. For a few minutes of the conversation, I heard him rustling around my kitchen. He reappeared a bit later, eating a yogurt he had found in the fridge. He spent the rest of the conversation devouring the yogurt. (Later at The Escondite, @rizzzoooooo theorized this was “Fluffer Nutter Guy,” based on his fondness for nourishment.) For the record, he chose Key Lime flavored yogurt. The man has good taste.

I must admit… I do not recall of the questioning, but I will do my best with what followed. I want to mention that during this entire conversation, the young woman in the black coat stood very close to me, continuing to caress my neck, back, arms and shoulders. It also felt rather caring, actually.

Joyce asked why I had recently stated I have felt “disconnected.” She also wanted to know what it would take to make me feel “connected.” I said I actually wasn’t sure of the answer to that.

A phone began to ring, obviously the young woman’s and she paused her caressing to answer it. This happened a couple of times… it seems she was having trouble getting a signal in my home.

Joyce expressed some dismay that I did not feel “connected.” She explained that efforts had been made to connect with me and I needed to offer an answer as to what could make me feel a connection. (I began to wonder if she meant to the Community as a whole… or to anyone specific.)

The young woman began to dial her phone, obviously attempting to reach someone. She said, “hello… hello?” several times. Meanwhile, Joyce mentioned that, indeed, they had specifically tried a familiar voice in an attempt to reach me emotionally. When the woman seemed to get an answer on her phone, Joyce confirmed with her that she had gotten through to someone. The woman passed the phone to Joyce, who listened for a moment before passing the phone to me, informing me there was someone she wanted me to speak with.

When I put the phone to my ear, very faintly I heard a female voice. It was not immediately familiar to me because it was so weak. I do not know if that was a result of the signal problems, or if I was picking up on some level of tension in the woman’s voice.

After the woman said my name a couple of times, I recognized the voice of Sabrina Kern, who I had interacted so much with last year as “Addison.” To be honest, I became flustered. There is an emotional connection to this person, perhaps I have forgotten just how much until this phone call. My emotions led me to get confused and some of this call is jumbled in my head – the rough reception did not help!

It was tough to hear, but she expressed similar sentiments as to what was expressed at the iConfidant event… she seemed upset that and felt she had “disappointed me at least twice.” I stated SHE had not disappointed me, but she was insistent. She asked if I felt I was being mocked somehow. “No,” I replied, “if someone thinks I feel that, they are misinterpreting my reaction. I don’t feel I was being mocked.“ She followed that with several comments about connection… ending with the idea that I was one of the few things she felt a strong connection to now.” She also asked what it would take to form a connection again… the phone reception seemed to worsen at this point. I know she asked that question again and I asked if I had to provide some answer right now, in this instant. As I said, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with all of this and I was shocked by her comment about her feeling I was one of few things she was connected to now. (Is she feeling disconnected? Is her return not working out the way she thought it would? Can I help her… in some way I was unable to help her last year? My mind was spinning with these thoughts as she spoke.) The line went silent and I spoke her name several times. The phone beeped to indicate the call had dropped.

During this entire scene, Otis sat on the arm of the sofa, his head and shoulders slumped forward. He could have been sleeping. Joyce turned to him, “Otis… Otis!!! Tell Russell what happens. Tell Russell what happens when the Darkness comes.”
Otis seemed a bit flustered but managed to say, “The Darkness? Oh, the Darkness.” He paused and looked at me, raising his hands dramatically. “When the Darkness comes… it brings a whole heap o’ trouble with it!”

Joyce urged him to continue, “Tell Russell what brings the Darkness. What brings it?”
He seemed to get a bit agitated. Still looking directly at me he emphatically said, “The paaaiiiiinnnn. The pain brings the Darkness.”

She dismissed Otis and told him to wait by the car. He seemed to drop any sign of upset at this point, almost like he wanted to make a connection with me. He told me he had a funny story he wanted to share about a friend and some bullfrogs, but Joyce rudely said, “Shut the fuck up, Otis, and go.” (I found this upsetting and in retrospect, I wish I had asked Joyce to leave my home at this point. The rudeness was uncalled for but I was so rattled, I did not think to stand up for him… he was a guest in my home and I let this unfold. I am disappointed in myself for not speaking up. I feel I owe an apology to Otis.)

Joyce asked me if I knew where she had been, since she has been gone for a bit. I said no. She asked if I had ever gone on a “company retreat.” I have, for a couple of days. She wanted to know what I thought of the experience. “I enjoyed the camaraderie, but I did not enjoy the exercises we had to do,” I replied. She smiled and said she could relate to my opinion. Apparently, she has been gone to some sort of “retreat” for a few weeks and had a similar response. She explained she had been made to relive some of the worst decisions in her life over and over again. (I think that is the way she put it, I was feeling a bit spent by this point, I admit.) She asked why I thought she might be interested in doing such a thing. When I replied I was not sure why she did it, she looked directly at me and said, “I asked to do it.”

Joyce came and stood by my chair, opposite of the young woman. She looked intently at me and began to theorize that maybe it’s not the emotional approach needed anymore… maybe that is not the way to connect with me. At that moment, the young woman stepped directly in front of me. She opened her black coat, revealing a beautiful, very low-cut maroon dress underneath. It was form fitting and revealing of her upper body. She stepped forward, placing herself between my legs. Leaning forward, her breasts came very close to my face. She moved her body downward, her face coming into slight contact with mine. Leaning in, I thought she was going to attempt to kiss me… Joyce suddenly thrust some papers forward, clearly stopping anything that was about to happen. The young woman backed away. Joyce dismissed her and the young woman left.

Joyce began gathering things, obviously preparing to leave.

I asked if I could make a point, Joyce seemed open… slightly. I pointed out that I had been asked a question on the phone and never had the opportunity to answer. She did not seem concerned and turned to leave. “Oh, by the way,” I said, “emotion is the way.” She heard me, but offered no response. (To be honest, I just stated that to reinforce the connection Sabrina asked for on the phone. I don’t know the best way for a connection to happen with me right now. I sincerely appreciate their willingness to try. But, my instinct was to serve Sabrina’s needs in that moment.) Joyce left.

This left the young man and I alone together. He crossed the room and handed me the empty yogurt container and spoon. “Next time,” he said, “how about some pistachios or something around? I’m trying to do that whole Paleo thing.” He headed toward the door as I replied, “Dude, I had some walnuts and almonds, I would have given you some!” He left, closing the door behind him.

A few minutes later, though, he returned. When I greeted him, he said, “Words, words, words, Russell. You’ve got our words.” I said I don’t understand, I also asked if I could have his name. He shook his head and said, “maybe later.” Once he stepped inside again, he explained he just needed “the words.” For the first time, I noticed there were a few sheets of paper left behind on my coffee table. Apparently, Joyce forgot to put these into her briefcase as she was preparing to leave. He picked up the pages with a bit of a smile and waved them at me. “I didn’t even notice them,” I said. I wished him a good night as he walked out my door.

FOLLOW UP PHONE CALL:
Approximately 20 minutes after this ended, my phone rang. When I answered, it was Joyce. “Russell, I think we are becoming fast friends!” My response was very honest, “Well, Joyce I think you are the most interesting woman I have met in quite some time.” She chuckled.

I am in an awkward position here, for I do not want to betray a trust @joycecarlberg might have placed in me. She asked if I had ever in my life done… something… specific. She did not allow me to answer the question, she just continued speaking. (I think she already knows the answer to the question. Yes, I have done what she wanted to know about.) Cryptically, she indicated that I may be using this skill soon. My guess is that she will be involved in whatever this means.

Joyce also suggested that if I have ever cared about someone… that I focus on that emotion.
So, the evening was almost completely centered on my lack of emotional connections in my life currently. To be honest, my recent health scare has brought similar thoughts to the forefront of my life recently. I was asked what I need… and I may not know what the answer is, honestly.

Holy crap you people have been busy this morning, haha! Here is my attempt to catch up. 😉

@coryphella, I think everything gathered so far is found with basic data mining. (the picture they used of @mike and me came from a Seraph Films Christmas gathering and was posted on their feeds. Oddly enough, we encountered DLB and Sabrina briefly at that gathering. Either could have easily recalled that photo was available. Notice the totally bitchin Gremlins sweater I have on? haha!) Unfortunately, I did not even notice they had left any papers behind until the young man came to retrieve them, I did not see them at all.

@thebuz and @bcbishop Wow… I really did not describe the woman! Sorry! She was probably in her twenties. She had a very harsh look, hair pulled straight back into an extremely tight bun, it seemed black in color. Her make up was dark and harsh in appearance – black lipstick drawn to harsh points on the lips. The make up might have been misleading me, but I believe she had a fairly dark complexion. @meghanmayhem – I do not think this is the woman Bryan met. The woman in the picture from Bryan’s encounter, I think, has a much lighter complexion.

@shaun Yep, I think you got it right – this was testing and data gathering on my reactions. Even how I reacted to Kritsin’s name could be considered data gathering. The attractive woman would have had more of an effect if Joyce had given her more time… >sigh< It also seems odd to me that it is such an obvious test. Parade the attractive woman in front of him and see what happens? Not very subtle. But, since the whole thing seemed to be about my emotional connections… a stronger reaction to her from me would surely have surprised them, I bet. I suspect they knew that she would have little effect on me in that stressful situation. Maybe…

@blondie You picked up on the most interesting thing of the whole night for me – Sabrina is now “disconnected” in some way? What does that mean? Once again I find myself in the position of not knowing what to do to help this woman even as I want to do so. It was a very uneasy feeling listening to her express what she said.

@mike, yes, I chose to capitalize Darkness because Otis seemed to be using it as a proper noun – to name a specific thing. Add to this @daela comments about the Darkness and this becomes a confusing angle. Why was this message about the Darkness included in all of this questioning of me? And, yes, Sabrina did reference Darkness at the iConfidant event. After hearing the tone in her voice last night, I can only say I hope/wish there was some way I could protect her… if that is what she needs. Damn, that phone call has confused my heart and my head.
And, Dude, of course I looked around my kitchen! I have not found anything, yet. The young man’s use of “words” actually made me think back to the reveal last year of the scripted pages made public after DLB and Clint appeared on the My Haunt Life podcast. (Some folks may recall they did an interview that was later shown to be “scripted” by someone when those script pages were shown publicly in a video.) What were the words on those pages? Here is an interesting idea… the entire night they kept stressing the word “disconnected,” a word I had used. @mike mentioned the concept of AI programming and a possible iConfidant connection… trigger words are used in AI programming. Could this be them trying to plant this word – of my own choosing – as a trigger word for me to be used against me somehow in the future?

@chrysalis359 I can say @joycecarlberg is a woman I would like to break bread with and hear stories from… she is a serving of powerful with a big ol’ side dish of sly and mysterious.

@kevin Personally, I admit to sometimes choosing to revisit something painful to learn from it – or sometimes just to feel that pain again, fully, in order to appreciate other aspects of my life.

@wintermute Very interesting take on the Kristin connection. Maybe they were planting the seed that I should get to know her better, which may be useful to them later? Wow, the idea that they were leading me instead of asking for information. That might twist everything from the first part of the conversation.

@larry Whatever this journey of mine is… inside and outside of this universe and this community… I sense that I am balancing on the edge of my own form of Darkness. If now is the time for me to forge a path through to get to that elusive “other side” you reference, I am not sure I am strong enough in this moment. Life has me feeling vulnerable and – yeah, I’ll say it – “disconnected.” Part of that is my uncertainty of what/who I can trust right now to deliver on what they promise. Last year I placed faith in folks who abandoned me when I needed them to shine. Perhaps that is the root of my disconnect. The solution may be as simple as opening my heart again… but I fear getting burned again. I am doing my best to focus on the positive, present and past, but sometimes it is murky waters where I am wading.

I feel like I have already taken my first steps toward the Darkness. And… I am not sure how @joycecarlberg might use that knowledge.

@daela No, I do not think so. The woman last night had smaller features than this woman. (smaller nose and lips, rounder face)

Aw, @mike, well played.

@remrelganaps I did not feel like Otis was trying to hide or “pull a fast one” behind Joyce’s back or anything like that. He seemed less “present” than the others. He simply said his name as he walked away from me to find a position in the room. As I said earlier, he was slumped over looking at the floor most of the time Joyce was talking. It seemed as if he wasn’t that interested in what these folks that he was hanging out with were doing. On the other point you raise… I am not sure why he would state a real name… unless that is another indication of just how NOT invested he is in this “job” – if it is, indeed, still a job to him.

@shaun I cannot shake how the word “disconnected” kept getting stressed… and the questions seemed a bit open ended several times. (Like they wanted me to “fill in blank.”) That’s why I mentioned the whole idea of them setting something up… like the power of suggestion. Then, to have Sabrina tell me of her connection to me did, I admit, hit hard. Maybe because of the repetition of that word before the phone call was made? As far as Otis speaking, i do not feel their was an “AI” vibe to that. He had a job… his job was to tell me about the Darkness and what brought it.

Here is the thing I did not state but I think is obvious a couple days later. Why Him? The most logical reason to have Otis there to make the statement about the Darkness would be that HE has experienced pain… enough pain to bring the Darkness forward for him… They know I have been having some issues recently that are bringing out some heavy thoughts in my little brain. (We briefly discussed my recent hospital visit twice during the conversation.) Maybe that was the reasoning for bringing him to me and having him state what he did…
“Take it from this guy… he’s done Darkness and is here to tell ya it ain’t pretty!”

And @larry

— but let her go. You cannot help her. You cannot guide her. You cannot protect her. She has her own path, too.

This may be true, but I agree with @shaun… if I don’t try… if we don’t try… what would we have left?

THIS IS EMBARRASSING.

Okay… about this personal visit… I asked to record the visit and that was denied. I wanted to make sure I did not leave anything out. I am very scatterbrained these days… recent life stuff has me a bit rattled.

I left something out. I APOLOGIZE to everyone for not remembering this sooner…
I was about to fall asleep a few minutes ago when I had a flash of Joyce asking me a very specific question which I failed to include in my description of the meeting.
It completely left my brain until just now.

After Joyce asked me about Kristin, I believe, she reached into the briefcase and pulled out an object. She held it up and asked if I knew what it was… I said that I did.

“It looks like The Book of Anoch.”

“And does this have any meaning to you?”

I responded something along the lines of, “To me it symbolizes a group of people believing in something that they thought was good. I thought it had been destroyed.”

She put the book back into the briefcase and moved on to the other questioning.

I cannot believe I had forgotten that completely until just now.
I am sincerely sorry for the oversight, folks.

@larry Walk the last 2 1/2 weeks in my shoes, Sir, then we can compare focus and concentration lapses.
I explained to Joyce there may be an issue with me retaining information, but she refused to allow me to record the meeting and I respected her wishes.
And, no… I do not recall any helmets in my recent past. 😉

@shaun I was several feet away from it, and she did not display it for long. Very dark blue cover with the familiar symbol on the cover. I do not think it is The New Book because this seemed to have pages shoved into it, edges were not even… as if some of the pages had possibly been ripped out. (I remember the book being heavily damaged when Michelle threw it to the floor at the end of Tension, that may explain the condition of the loose-looking pages.)

@thebuz I think one of the reasons this did not stick out in my memory (other than the inability to focus these days) is that she did not make a huge deal of it. She showed it to me, asked the question, then moved on.

Question for the room… when was the last time anyone actually saw The Book of Anoch?
Was it when Michelle threw it to the ground at The End event?
Has it surfaced since then?

@larry Trust me, I cannot believe this slipped out of my brain. I feel like a doofus. But, it happened just as I explained.

You joked about the helmet but let’s take a look at that. I have only worn the helmet briefly, it was intense, intimidating and… to be totally honest, a bit of a thrill. As for @mike, he does know that at one point I truly wanted to join Addison/Sabrina and yearned to experience the helmet – just to see what it felt like for a longer duration. (Okay, maybe not the smartest instinct, but I did feel that at one point.) But, as far as I know, @mike has no access to the device. (But, to be perfectly honest, he is mischievous and if he did have access to it… not sure if he would disclose that fact to me. He can be sneaky. Luv the guy, but he’s mischievous.)

Bigger picture, it does not surprise me that Joyce had The Book of Anoch in her possession.
But, why? As @thebuz pointed out, seems a little odd that it is just thrown in casually with a bunch of other intel on a participant. I’m not the only one who has seen the book… so I don’t think it is specific to me in any way. However, was her showing me The Book of Anoch somehow supposed to strengthen the connection with Sabrina when I spoke to her on the phone?

@coryphella Yes, Megan, that promise was made to us. When I saw it destroyed by Michelle, I just felt it was gone forever, though. In my mind, it became another one of those threads that just got dropped.

@erisbonn There was that reference to Anoch at the iConfidant event, right? At the time, it could have been interpreted as a misguided self-delusion of Sabrina’s mind but maybe there are those still trying to get that band back together. Maybe Anoch really is the endgame here. It will be interesting to see if more hints appear soon.