Part 2

The.
Fire.
Fucking.
Burns.

Yooooooo this shit has me hyped tho

?????

FUCK YES EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

SO HYPED ?

Wow. What a video. So… What did everyone learn about themselves these past months?

For me, I learned that I’m quick to trust, and slow to doubt unless there is reason to. I find Mason fascinating though by all means I shouldn’t have, and wouldn’t have expected myself to. But I’m spite of all this, I still find myself wanting to believe in people’s inherent goodness, that there’s something to be appreciated in everyone no matter who they are. Maybe that makes me naive, but that’s OK.

Good luck to everyone going into the lion’s den next month.

Having a vague feeling of clarity is a foreign sensation in these parts. But it does sound to me that, despite the many disagreements we’ve had amongst us, we’re all on the same side. Our own.

Yes, I’m feeling free of the past and ready. Ready to fight that thing with the “Crown of Dongs” if I have to!!

Chuckle fucks is my new favorite phrase

I love that all our favorite smartasses are dismantling the same thing.

“There are no sides” still seems like a bit of simplification to me, though. Bryan seems to be on his own island.

For what it’s worth, in the brief interval between @julierei’s periscopes, @111error told us that out of all the things said today, he was most hurt by @bcbishop’s assertion that Morgan was no longer part of The One and had become part of “them.” He still sees his involvement as a sacrifice for us. This video would seem to support that.

And is “Team Sabrina” still a thing? Because from everything we’ve seen, it doesn’t seem like she’d be on the side of the rebels either.

A drive in rush hour from Noho to the west side after seeing @111error in the flesh, and watching that video, is one helluva fucking drug.

I said a lot of dumb shit about him, but I’m burying the hatchet. I told him today I didn’t trust him but life comes at you fast and I was wrong.

Morgan – I’ve told you in the past that I’d trust you with my life, and while that wasn’t true for a moment, it is now.

When you posted up that video of you in the park and we watched you break down, I know I wasn’t the only one to be worried that you were going to do something drastic. I was terrified that I’d never see you again. And now, in the full light of day, I realize how fucked up that was. I was holding a grudge not because of what you did, but that you reacted in the only way you could’ve. Because I fucked up. You took preemptive measures in order to make sure this goal was accomplished. It was wrong of me to hold it against you. I can’t take back what I said, but I’m sorry. I hope we can rebuild this bridge.

Miss you dude.

@macbethinabathtub

For what it’s worth, in the brief interval between @julierei‘s periscopes, @111error told us that out of all the things said today, he was most hurt by @bcbishop‘s assertion that Morgan was no longer part of The One and had become part of “them.” He still sees his involvement as a sacrifice for us. This video would seem to support that.

Since somebody deleted @coryphella and @wanda102’s response to this, I guess somebody wants me to be fucking angry.

Fine. Let’s get motherfucking angry.

First off, I’m tired of hearing about all this bullshit fake concern for @111error. You know why he’s in this spot in the first place? Because a lot of you fuckers couldn’t handle it when somebody you CLAIM is your friend turned out to be part of the game. You said EVIL shit. You were fucking VILE. And you left him hurting. He is still hurting.

You know what I was doing when you holier than thou posers were running around with your hair on fire after the TMC reveal? I was on the fucking phone with @111error, who told me that almost NOBODY had fucking called him – except to display bile and hate. I called him because that’s what friends actually do, even if they’re on opposing sides of whatever philosophical divide is going on here.

Because when LUST says it’s about showing us who we really are, that’s who a lot of YOU are. And now you can claim you’re on this team, or that team, and do all your goddamned virtue signaling like it makes everything you did okay. BUT. YOU. ARE. THE. LIE. So spare me with spreading the idea that “Bryan is mean” and “Bryan is on an island.” What Bryan is, is a pissed off asshole who’s so fucking mad he’s talking about himself in the third person like a goddamned douche.

Do any of you chuckleheads (I was using this before Noah started with chucklefucks) even understand why I make comments about @111error not being part of The One? It’s so you people, that can’t seem to understand the different between fantasy and reality and basic humanity, won’t be ASSHOLES to the guy when he does something behind the curtain that he wouldn’t do in real life.

I AM GETTING HIS BACK BECA– USE A LOT OF YOU DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT TOGETHER TO HANDLE WHAT THIS EXPERIENCE EVEN IS. How the hell do you even think you can handle December if you can’t deal with treating a REAL FRIEND with respect in REAL LIFE? And Mason is the sociopath?

Lastly, @111error – you have problems with things I say? You have an issue? You want to have a discussion? Call me. FTG, IG, OOG, whatever the fuck you want to call it. Don’t do it to a crowd of the people that fucked you over in the first place. I expect better from you.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by Bryan Bishop.

@joycecarlberg – I think he found his anger.

Looks like someone also wants me to be angry that my support for both Bryan and Morgan is being silenced.

Today felt like we’d all found ourselves flung together at last. What’s happening?

I’ve never been angry at any of you. This includes @111error. If anything, you’ve all strengthed my resolve and my faith in Anoch.

Don’t worry kids. I’ll bring enough forks to the mid-season event for everyone.

@bcbishop tells it like it is. That’s some hard fucking truths right there, and in the face of Noah telling us to take a good look at ourselves — WE DAMN WELL BETTER.

I have no idea who came after @111error revealed the TMC, and I don’t need to. Nobody does. Except those who did. Don’t be defensive about behavior. Own it. Admit to it. Because that’s what makes us the kind of people we are capable of being. We want to aim to be our higher selves. And that’s about talking to that ugly side we don’t want to admit we have, the one that came out at Morgan, claws bared. Because talking to it is painful as hell, and it feels like admitting to being a bad person.

Not at all.

It’s admitting who we are.

I like to win. I need to win. I think I know why. Now I have a bit more control over it. Maybe it’ll come in handy at the MSE. Maybe not. But it will come in handy in life.

Make your weakness your strength.

Transcript of the video:

Noah, in a suit. Behind him, from left to right, Joyce, Morgan, Mason, and Michelle.

(exaggerated voice) What?! Are you serious? No way!

(normal voice) Yes way. Way indeed. Mason and I, we’ve been buds for a long time, we go way back. There’s no way that you can have a childhood like ours and not develop a, uh, certain bond.

Now, why. Why why why why why.

For many reasons. I’ve shared a lot of them with you already. Here we go.

To protect you.

I know that I can’t keep you from my father. I had trouble getting out myself. At least alive, anyway. The good thing about being somewhat of a fuckup…is that after a while people kinda stop paying attention. They lower their expectations. And Daddy Dearest, he didn’t really give a shit what I did with his System. He had bigger fish to fry.

Oh, and these fish. Y’all weren’t ready. I still don’t know if you are, but DING DING DING DING DING. Time is up. Besides, he thinks that you’re all now yesterday’s news, and as long as the readings are still coming in, well, what the fuck does he care? It’s all just information, right? Wrong! It is testing your limits. You need to continue to do this every damn day. You don’t rely on a game or anyone else.

You do know that The System is designed so that you lose, right? Every time. The only ones who end up winning are the ones who are too fucking stupid, or maybe they’re just too bold, to actually play along by the rules.

It’s really unfair. You should feel bad. No! You should feel whatever the fuck you want to feel. Be happy. Be sad. If you’re feeling a little fucking gassy, well then you go off and you just fart all over the fucking place.

Or maybe, (chuckles) maybe…it just makes you feel really fucking horny. (whispers) Pervert.

No one should ever tell you how to feel or how to fucking think. That is takeaway numero uno. And some of us learned that this time. You ask ‘em. They know.

So what do those of us in power do? We run games (?), we lie, we manipulate, and we confuse to keep the mice running toward the maze.

So after all of this, I want you to ask yourself – HOW DO YOU FEEL? And this time you’re not going to medicate, you’re not going to placate, you’re not even going to fucking fornicate your way out of this. HOW DO YOU FEEL? HOW DO YOU FEEL. You bored? Why? Do you need attention? Why? Did you “surprise yourself”? How the fuck did you surprise yourself? This is it, boys and girls. Time to pay the fuck attention. What did you learn about yourself? What did you become? What did you want to be? How and why did you get in your own goddamn way? Are these hitting home with any of you?

Doesn’t matter if I had you kill or lie for me. It doesn’t matter if it took a fucking sociopath to identify with. It doesn’t matter if it was sickening raw violence that got your blood up and your heart finally fucking beating. It doesn’t matter if it took a child to care. It doesn’t matter if you couldn’t find your own whip so some point in the middle of the fucking night I had to FUCKING MAIL ONE TO YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING BFE NOWHERE.

Shouldn’t matter if I contacted you at all. Because even if you just sat there, all alone, quietly in the dark, you watched. Judged. Maybe you made friends. Maybe you made enemies. Some of you rat bastards even made friends of your enemies and enemies of your friends. OK? Just move on. We learn. That’s what we gots to do. Learn what it meant to you, why it did, and how are you going to do it better the next time, now that you know who you are just a wee bit better than you did before?

It’s important. It’s important because the things I am going to expose, the truth about us that you are going to see…If you don’t know yourself, you become like me. You become like Joyce and Sarah. You become like Mr. Silver. Too damaged, too implicit (?), and just too fucking broken to ever really be OK again.

There’s still hope for Mr. Rooms. And there still might be hope for all of you too.

The idea was that you chucklefucks can now go into the lion’s den. And then you walk out again. That you can face my father, world’s most expensive walking nutsack. And our organization, you face it. As your true, actualized self.

That’s the beauty and the tragedy, isn’t it. Ultimately it’s all really fucking up to you.

(takes out phone, looks at it…sighs at what he sees)

(on the phone, to someone else) …that I’m gonna be doing this payoff today? No, I don’t think what you do – no, I do not think that what I do is more important tha – we’ve had this discussion many times. Yes. I’m give – I’m giving them the rundown right now. I think it was in the fucking dishwasher, I don’t know. No, I’m sorry, I did not mean to curse at you. OK. Yes. I love you too.

(putting phone down) Uhhhhh. (Joyce is smiling in the background) (realizes the camera’s still running) Oh fuck it’s still – fuck it, I don’t even remember where the fuck I was. I lost the fucking flow now. Fine. Uhhh, fuck, yadda yadda yadda…”designed this event to prepare you for…” Fuck it. Uh, you know what, if you didn’t fucking learn anything, then, then you know what – steal your soul and blackmail you into their fucking dark allegiance. Fuck, no, I remember what I was going to say.

No one is coming to save you. Save yourselves. ‘Cause this December, you are walking into the lion’s den. And you can either be a fucking lion, or you can die a fucking sheep.

There’s a lot to unpack today and I think we’re going to be sorting through the wreckage of the day for the whole chapter break. What fits in and where. What was part of The System and what was part of Horace’s plan? But that’s for later.

Much of Noah’s video talked about finding what was emotionally true to you in your reactions to just about everything. Those realizations and any self actualization we’ve found along the way are meant to prepare us for what’s coming in Anointment. I suppose the lesson in that is that if we thoroughly understand ourselves going in, we can stand up to what they’re going to throw at us. Or knowing that what we feel in there is up to us and we shouldn’t fall prey to their manipulations? I’m not sure…

I do know that it was fun seeing this group all working together. Joyce! Who was such a delight I bought a shirt with her name on it (s/o to #TeamJoyce), then felt the bottom fall out when I thought I’d gotten her killed. Mason, who I was angry at for having contributed to Joyce’s death, and then had a conversation with later that left me totally confused about him. Morgan who swung me to BOS with his passion for trying to help people. Noah and the Periscope videos for The System that actually had me rethinking things. These people have really been the movers and shakers for a lot of things I’ve felt in all of this, and I suspect the same is true for a good number of other people. That makes sense if they’ve been working together to make us ready.

Despite all of that, there’s a tiny sense of dread still lurking in the back of my head that I can’t explain.

Maybe it has to do with Anointment or maybe I’m worried there’s some kind of ulterior motive here.

What do these specific people gain by preparing us for the MSE? Morgan, I get. Noah maybe wants to stick it to his dad, but is that all? Mason was raised in the OSDM, Joyce had some issues them, and Michelle did too. It’s entirely possible that this is all altruistic, but, I just don’t know, man.

So, Noah has been using The System to prepare us for the MSE. Okay, fine (I don’t think it’s working for me, but whatever). But here’s the thing: most of the people attending Anointment don’t follow the forums and aren’t going through this process. What about them? Are they just sacrificial lambs? If his motives are altruistic, it seems to defeat the purpose if his altruism only extend to a fraction of the people who need saving.

I also question his methods. Not that it’s easy to question training for something when you don’t know what it is you’re being trained for, but I can’t help but think that lies and manipulations maybe aren’t the best way to go about it. Unless his goal is to get us to question everything (a lesson I don’t need, since I naturally do that anyway), I’m not sold on the efficacy of his plan. All it does is make it more difficult for me to take anything he says seriously.

The thing about the Boy Who Cried Wolf that nobody mentions is that he got what he deserved.

So… I feel like I ask this question like once a month, and I always feel a little stupid for asking, but the answer keeps changing. What IS actually part of the LUST experience?

Like in a meta sense I know that this is all part of the “experience.” But… Are those five people from yesterday’s reveal constantly throwing wrenches into the OSDM’s plans or have they been carrying out the OSDM’s wishes all along? And if that’s the case, if they’re just the friendlier, more polarizing and engaging faces of the OSDM trying to reel us in, what the heck are Sabrina and Horace and Tom Barrow and Kristen trying to do?

I keep going back to what Noah said to me in the park. That he wants to help us. But help us how? Just help us secretly transition into his family’s crazy cult? Or does he need us for something else? To take it down from the inside? I really don’t like the feeling that I can’t trust him. I thought I understood his interest in us as a group. Now, I’m not so sure.

Also, Noah said yesterday that Horace doesn’t really care about us anymore. That can’t be entirely true, right? They’re still investing in us and letting us very carefully peek into their world. Why not just shut us out?

Yes, I know I’m rambling at this point. I think I need this chapter break.