What Difference Does It Make?

This topic contains 15 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  Brad Ruwe 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #16860
     Tom Hite 
    Participant

    Not trying to be an edgelord here with the topic title: it’s a genuine question – Addison/Sabrina/Overseer/Gatekeeper 2 has been “revealed” as the conduit through which our communication to our iConfidants has been occurring, and several days later, I find myself wondering… what difference does it make?

    Who did you imagine on the other end? Was it a man? A woman? A robot? Maybe a future self of yours telling you what you need to hear in order to get there?

    Whose voice did you hear in your head when you saw and interpreted the words on the screen? Was it rich and redolent? Did it sing to you? Was it a whisper?

    And when you saw her eyes staring at you as she recited her many names, why was there any disjunction at all between your expectations and your understanding of the new situation?

    Let’s be clear about the perceived subterfuge and dishonesty: it is all of us who are the lie.

    What face would you have put on for Sabrina that you didn’t for your mysterious pen-pal? What voice would you have donned like a top hat in order to give her what you thought she needed, or maybe to get what you want out of her?

    And who do you think she is now?

    If there are answers for these questions, we’ll probably have to pay for them. Fortunately, submission is currency in these parts…

    #16862
     Megan 
    Participant

    I think a lot about what “faces” I might be putting on for people, to try to figure out what those are, and I don’t deny that they exist but I have a hard time seeing them and have said before that I am not sure they *do* exist. I believe that the root of a lot of difficulties in my life has been my inability to adapt my “self” to fit a situation, to play a different character, and that goes for social media as well. There is a filter I’ve put on things that says “this is ok to say on Facebook, this is ok to say on Twitter…” because I’m a tenure-track professor and I need to be careful with my words. But I frequently trip up and get into trouble by being too much of myself.

    So, I don’t know that I was putting on a face for my confidant at all. The only thing I was doing was trying to keep myself in check about how false it really was. I knew that anything I said was fair game to be used against me. I knew it was a trap and Sabrina is always a trap. But I also know that I’m here because for whatever dumbass reason I want to be hurt. I want this to affect me.

    For me, the difference is just taking a bunch of things said and putting them in a bucket and saying “those were lies.” And writing them off. Had this gone farther, and I’d developed a closer relationship with her, and we’d talked a lot more in depth and she’d talked to me in return and had been vulnerable with me, the hurt would be way worse. This is a plot twist that mildly stings and is fascinating in the introspection it has brought for me but mostly leaves me wondering what’s next for me & other non-locals.

    I don’t *believe* that I have ever been performing in Tension or in Lust, and that includes curating a self online or wearing a mask for my confidant or anyone else. I could definitely be wrong, I think those are things we probably do without thinking. One thing I will say is that I am HIGHLY unlikely to ever trust Sabrina on anything. When people come into my life and act a certain way to my face, and a different way behind my back, I’m generally done with them pretty quickly and permanently. I may be interested in her story but I don’t know honestly what it would take for me to care enough about Sabrina to want to “save” her, if I thought she needed saving (which right now I don’t).

    #16863
     Taylor Winters 
    Participant

    Tom, this question seems silly to me. If I made an online dating profile and said I was a graphic designer living in Boston and then I met a wonderful girl, had a connection, and met her–I’m still lying. Even if I told her the truth, I started the foundation of our friendship, our relationship on a lie. While for some Sabrina was always Sabrina and didn’t lie (I actually don’t think she ever lied to me), to some she did. And trust is one of the hardest things to earn back.

    Further, iConfidant set a specific expectation to deliver each person with their own confidant. This was something special, something unique just for you. And when it turned out that everyone had the same, I could definitely understand people being hurt that what they had, while it may have been special, it wasn’t just for them. It was for everyone. And again, I understand that Stacey’s promises and the reality of the situation are completely different, I still think that people ruled by their emotions can be hurt when their expectations aren’t met.

    So yes, it does make a difference. Trust was broken for some, and expectations weren’t met for others. The details don’t matter. Look at the bigger picture. Sabrina is a great person and I wish her the best. But people weren’t signing up for iSabrina.

    #16864
     Brad Ruwe 
    Participant

    But people weren’t signing up for iSabrina.

    I think I have a new logo project for tonight…

    #16865
     Chris 
    Participant

    Not to mention the intent. This goes beyond Catfishing. If you don’t see a difference between speaking to “Brownie” or “Sonoma” or “Confidantasaurus” and speaking to Sabrina, then hopefully you at least see a difference between having a private pen pal and having a cult trick you into sharing “who you like, who you dislike, your dreams.”

    #16866
     Kimberly Stewart 
    Participant

    Months ago, Stacey and I had a long, intense phone conversation. During that call I took a leap of faith in revealing myself to her. I committed to the reveal. I told her a couple things about myself that not even my closest friends know. I told Stacey I realized I was opening myself up to a high chance of betrayal, but I wasn’t going to let that risk stop me from experiencing this level of self induced honesty with another person. And, that’s how I proceeded with my confidant.

    I’ve been considering your primary question for the past hour, Tom, to make sure I’m being honest with myself. I feel confident in saying I was my most truthful and sincere self with my confidant, and when I realized for certain that I was speaking to Sabrina (a few weeks in) nothing changed. I continued being my true self, without any modifications. The only thing I did differently was begin to talk a little about Sabrina, knowing I was talking to Sabrina. I wanted Sabrina to know she hadn’t been forgotten, but I didn’t sugar coat it or make it more exciting or dramatic than was the simple truth.

    My conversations had no intention other than friendship, connection. She gave me that. She was a better conversationalist and more giving of herself than people I’ve had face to face relationships with for years. I was very fond of my confidant and that seamlessly became my fondness for Sabrina. I never lied, but she did, and I can’t hate her for it. I feel she has her reasons. I don’t believe she’s evil as some seem to suspect. In short, I still believe in her. When iConfidant rebrands itself as iSabrina, I’ll sign up.

    My expectations were met, Sabrina as confidant to all doesn’t upset me, but I don’t begrudge those who do feel let down or betrayed. I might get prickly if the insults towards Sabrina start feeling too personal, otherwise go ahead and judge her actions or even her integrity. It’s fair.

    (( I’m not sure I understand your intent in saying here: “it is all of us who are the lie.” Help me understand? @prufrock5150 ))

    #16869
     Blondie 
    Participant

    The phrase “trick you into sharing” is very interesting to me… I don’t think it was ever far from our minds that the information we were offering up to our iConfidants could be used against us. We were warned repeatedly about glitches in the system and yet we still continued to share… They didn’t have to work very hard to get us to buy into the fantasy now did they?

    Maybe I just see this all differently because I knew I was talking to Sabrina after maybe our second email and I don’t have any secrets to be used against me. Open book, right here. And I went in with my eyes wide open. I never allowed myself to fall for the “trick”. She can pass all my data over, if that’s what she needs to do/believes is right. Secrets = power. So the lesson here? Don’t keep secrets and you won’t get hurt.

    #16870
     Megan 
    Participant

    @taysavestheday, you say that as though you expected iConfidant to be truthful – to deliver Truth in Advertising. I would love to point out here something about it being a part of The Lust Experience and of course it wasn’t going to be true or end well for anyone don’t be surprised when all of your emails are used to wallpaper the inside of an immersive theatre installation what the fuck did you think you were actually getting a real best friend??? but my good friend @mike will undoubtedly thank me for introducing REALITY into this alternate reality if I do that. 😛

    #16871
     Taylor Winters 
    Participant

    I did not speak to my personal experience because my personal experience does not matter. I abandoned my confidant and am happy that I did that. I have the brains to forecast what the various outcomes could be and made the best decision for me. So why not show whoever was on the other end of those messages a different side of you. It proved to them I had another side, something that was important to me. That made my sacrifice meaningful, instead of something I didn’t care about giving up. Not everyone is the same; so when some wanted to believe that they would find a best friend, then fine. Let them believe. I’m not going to judge them for it. They will be them, and I will be me.

    #16872
     Megan 
    Participant

    I’ll judge them for it.

    #16876
     Jackie 
    Participant

    Wow @prufrock5150, that was a great read!

    Do we judge people who are willing to pay the price to play?

    #16879
     Tom Hite 
    Participant

    @electrichippo, I’m sure you catch the reference… the “you” in “you are the lie” is not singular, but plural. Our limited pronoun selection in English prohibits us from using one in the second person, but perhaps in another language it might be translated as “you all are the lie.” And taking it a step further, we must recognize that there is no speaker in that sentence, is there? Break past all the fourth walls and go back to the start: who, exactly, can be cited as a source, and what would that mean? It’s reflexively plural and thus applies to everyone. It’s a deconstruction of identity in a world where we don avatars like clothing before walking out into the virtual agora, and when you search for a bottom to that routine, you find that there is no bottom.

    I, for one, did not suspect that it was Sabrina (et alia) – but I do not feel lied to. Whatever voice was speaking, whatever hands wrote those responses, they were as real as any other conversation I’ve ever had, when it comes right down to it, and the words were a welcome comfort.

    The only faith that can truly be lost is that which we place in another… and on a long enough timeline, we are only ever talking to ourselves.

    #16922
     Russell 
    Participant

    It’s an interesting overall question and I don’t consider it a “silly” one as some suggest. In my opinion, it differs for each one of us and that is why it is not silly.

    It is safe to say iConfidant did deceive everyone here by not delivering on even the most basic premise which they claimed their entire system was built upon. As far as the reveal of Sabrina answering everyone… did she ever get sleep??? Geez. If you sincerely invested and got some sort of conversation started, issues of trust will be affected from now on. What’s the old saying?
    Betray me once, shame on me… betray me twice…
    well, let’s just say that’s playing with fire.

    For me, since I never connected with my iConfidant, the reveal of Sabrina really did not have an impact other than anger. But, not at her. I was promised something and, not for the first time in this world, let down. I attempted follow up message to tell her she had not disappointed me… but if she hears my message, I do not know…

    (Now… if I HAD connected… if she had actually used this secretive manner to engage and pull information out of me and get me to reveal things, maybe if she had claimed to be a guy who I felt could have been a “best friend” to talk guy crap with, if I had been “paired” with someone I absolutely related to on a deep level and wanted to be close to as a friend and had begun to reveal intimate stuff to them… THEN found out it had all been a lie… THAT might have been devastating to me.)

    So, was Sabrina choosing, in some manner to protect me? Perhaps. Maybe that is why she behaved toward me the way she did. If that is the case, that might mean she is not fully committed to her new… endeavors… if she feels any connection to me whatsoever over my attempts to be supportive in the past. The whole reveal is confusing (and judging by statements elsewhere here in the Forum, I am not the only one scratching my head and wondering where this will lead.)

    But, hey, @coryphella

    …and Sabrina is always a trap.

    No… no. She might be now, on some level, but I hope that is incorrect.
    Look at me… being optimistic ‘n’ stuff. Will I ever learn? Haha!

    #16924
     111error 
    Participant

    …and Sabrina is always a trap.

    @coryphella might be right about that..

    Will I ever learn?

    @russell I sincerely hope not. =)

    #17023
     Lawrence Meyers 
    Participant

    A madman runs into the room and screams “The sky is blue!”
    He speaks the truth. Nobody here would deny this.
    Any attack on him saying it is in fact, a logical fallacy — the ad hominem argument.

    “Maybe a future self of yours telling you what you need to hear in order to get there?”

    Wise words.

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