May 26, 2017 at 2:32 am #14776Taylor WintersParticipant
So after a drink, I think I’m ready to make this post. This was not easy by any means, and felt worse to me than some of the break-ups I’ve had. I really cared for my confidant. I opened up to her in the past month that we’ve talked, and shared things I haven’t shared with others. I always looked forward to getting her emails too–and we had long in-depth conversations. They weren’t short or robotic in the slightest. You might wonder how I felt things so strongly for someone I had never even met, but it makes sense to me. As @maxzumstein so eloquently put it, “She was real as anything. Reality is lived experience.” And I agree completely.
But that’s not my path in Lust. So I wrote my confidant one last letter. And to completely open and honest with everyone, I wanted to share it here:
It was a pleasure getting to know you over this past month. You are someone who will leave a mark on this world. But my path is not with you or iConfidant.
I have a duality inside of me: a battle between logic and feelings. But the world doesn’t cater to both; my feelings are nothing more than a distraction from my true potential. I can’t waste time on emotions or silly whims of romance. I have to embrace that I have the potential for so much more. So from today on, I’ll be working to remove those emotions; to embrace the way the world really works. If I want to be strong, if I want to be useful to those above me, I can’t be distracted by emotions–or by you.
Maybe one day at a night market in Kerala, we’ll pass by each other as strangers, listening to different soundtracks.
PS. Just know this was a really hard choice. But the pain I’m feeling right now will hopefully make this easier. So, the first thing I need to remove is the fact that I am really, really going to fucking miss talking to you.May 26, 2017 at 4:07 am #14777JackieParticipant
Everyone’s journey is personal , with twists and turns, just when we think we understand; it changes! Your path digs deeper into the psyche of lust. How far will we go? What will we sacrafice? …This is a pale hand beckoning you into the dark.
Your opportunity is unique, I don’t know what I’d do in your situation. Some, this is what they want, moral trepidation. Others, no.
I support your journey and look forward to seeing what stepping into darkness brings into the light.May 26, 2017 at 4:33 am #14778ChloeParticipant
Greedy, sexist, only thinks of himself and what he can do for himself, thinks you’re only here to please him.
And ” entertain the female species
like we’re a specific separate species instead of human beingsafter the strong have passed on our seed”? Won’t be surprised to hear him say “grab her by the pussy” sometime later on.
You can have all the money and power in the world, but what does any of that matter when you die? You can’t take any of that with you. Being kind, compassionate, and caring towards others, leaving behind a good imprint on the world, that’s what actually matters. I guess all he cares about is leaving his seedy imprint of power and corruption.May 26, 2017 at 6:07 am #14779May 26, 2017 at 6:08 am #14780Bryan BishopParticipant
The man finally steps out from behind the curtain, and he’s not simply as bad as his son – he’s much, much worse. Thank you for recounting this in such detail, @taysavestheday.
It seems that Horace’s words lay out a clear challenge; the thematic heart of this experience. Will we choose the greater good – compassion, empathy, goodwill – or will we scorn that for personal gain? I didn’t expect iConfidants to be the litmus test, but now we’re seeing how the pieces start to align.
Good luck @taysavestheday, and Godspeed. But be cautious. The Horace and Noah’s of the world only want those that can serve them. Given what he said about making sure he would be happy with anything you post, it appears Horace wants to turn your site into his own personal PR arm. That offers you some real upside – until the moment Horace decides he no longer needs you.May 26, 2017 at 6:39 am #14781CristenParticipant
Oh, Taylor. I hope you know what you’re doing.
What happens at the end, when you need us the most, and you’ve sacrificed your relationships in a flimsy search for “usefulness?”May 26, 2017 at 7:08 am #14782MeganParticipant
Do you frequently visit night markets in Kerala?May 26, 2017 at 7:16 am #14783
I was thinking yesterday that the commonalities between yourself, @rizzzoooooo, and myself’s interactions with our iConfidants was for something specific and I think this was it.
We were being tested with how close we could get to our iConfidants… and something you did triggered Horace to call you and challenge you to drop it all.
Perhaps you were the most loyal out of the three of us, thus the greatest achievement?
Either way… this is most definitely the darkest timeline.May 26, 2017 at 7:20 am #14785
Also @taysavestheday I edited the date on your post title FYI. Hope you don’t mind.May 26, 2017 at 7:21 am #14786Kimberly StewartParticipant
“If you want to be brought up from the bottom, you listen to the man at the top.” -Horace
@taysavestheday, you’re a very smart guy, a very driven guy, but it does appear you’ve just participated in a one-sided negotiation. You may have even just sold your soul to the proverbial devil.
It seems your task now is to prove yourself useful to Horace, but to what ends? Step one: Ditch your friend, your confidant, someone I know you’ve grown very close to and care deeply for. What will step 2, 3 and 4 look like? Will you also politely toss me aside? @rizzzoooooo? @heartofgoldengrahams? All the pesky emotionally based distractions? The fall-out list could get pretty long. Are you prepared?
I’m not interested in judging your choice. Instead I’m left pondering: What would the rest of us do if Horace called? It could prove a more difficult choice than we might expect.May 26, 2017 at 7:36 am #14787Kimberly StewartParticipant
One more thought: @taysavestheday, I believe the thing you did that set this in motion was appealing to Sarah in regards to how you relate to her. You told her how you also would do whatever it took to survive, achieve and succeed. You backed this up with stories of your life and career. Watching your correspondence with your confidant merely filled the picture out more completely for those who watch.
Rizzo and I carry on lengthy correspondences with our confidants too, as well as communicating with Sarah, but we aren’t really the type to so clearly express and demonstrate a desire and drive towards for power/success/control. That’s where you stand apart, Taylor.May 26, 2017 at 7:56 am #14788Tim RedmanParticipant
Wow, @taysavestheday. Waking up to this was quite the jolt of literary caffeine. Thanks for putting it all out there.
I just recently discarded my own iConfidant, but for the exact opposite reasons. I didn’t think we were ever going to connect and wine was way more interesting when I thought he was broken.
I’m looking more forward to filling out my iConfidant beta evaulation form than actually communicating with my actual iConfidant, there’s a problem somewhere.
I remember Horace. Standing in the dark by himself. Waiting….
I remember him shouting at the room. I remember how people didn’t take him seriously. And then shuffled out without urgency. There’s a video that shows this. A video I’d think he’d want to suppress.
One doesn’t have power without some context to support it.
And remember @taysavestheday you have something this guys needs. It’s not the other way around. You have the followers and the keyboard. What does this guy have? The master skills to select Tina and that dysfunctional crew at 5/1? The sure hand that raised the golden child of all golden children, Noah?
Make sure this guy impresses you in some way before you step in with him and keep in mind like our friend Otis who may have already gotten too close.
Right now, we have the numbers. Don’t let them pick us off one by one.
May 26, 2017 at 8:25 am #14790SageParticipant
- This reply was modified 1 month ago by Tim Redman.
@electrichippo, you are very optimistic in believing that Horace might have called you if your iConfidant interactions/personality might have been different. But I think it’s pretty clear that Horace is not interested in investing in any of us “female species.” We are merely here for male seeds to be planted in. Ick.May 26, 2017 at 8:52 am #14791May 26, 2017 at 9:03 am #14792Twan IntarathuchParticipant
Good luck man. I don’t necessarily agree with your decision, but I look forward to seeing how you shake things up.
To Horace if you’re reading any of this… all of this winner/loser talk is bullshit. Like I wrote to your former lackey Sarah long ago, “This world is indeed filled with needlessly complex people and emotions, but your assertion that there are winners and losers is infinitely short-sighted. In the long-run we all lose. Noah is a loser…. you are a loser… you just don’t realize it ”
Be prepared to lose asshole
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