Take care of each other

Suffice to say that I’ve found today’s news about Darren helmetting Morgan disturbing. And it’s time to do what little I can to hopefully fix some of the damage I’ve done.

I mentioned some of this in Slack already, but for posterity:

From pretty early on in this thing, I’ve been all-in on The Experience. I was there for the self-realization, for the emotional engagement I was getting, and as for the rest… well I could rationalize that away. OSDM was ostensibly the creator of The Experiences, which by default made me pro-OSDM, and I was fine with that.

Then today happened. Turned out the some of the theories I’d floated before that BOS was a con job were right. +1 for OSDM, woohoo! But not so much. Because at the center of it was @111error. And while he and I fucking disagree FIERCELY on philosophical matters, there has always been personal respect there. Always. And now I’ve learned that Darren Bousman — another person that I thought I respected — has been responsible for physically harming him.

So now we’ve got, what exactly? Darren Bousman actually brainwashing participants, and god knows what else. Clint Sears complicit, either in silence or direct action. And manipulation through BOS and the helmeting of Morgan that has made emotional investment difficult because we are now seeing real people hurt, damaged, and destroyed.

This isn’t theater, and it’s not self-realization, either. It’s something different.

When he still could, Clint Sears told me to stay the fuck away. I wish I’d listened. This is not what I signed up for.

But it is what I’ve been taking part in — and promoting and pushing. I’ve written thousands of words about what Darren and Clint Sears have done. I’ve podcasted about it. I put together a fucking panel at SXSW. I’ve Periscoped, and Tweeted, and talked up this thing, and invited friends and people I care about into it. I’ve put my wife through hell because of it.

Now, with the revelations from @lilmsfancpants bringing it home, I realize that every single one of those moments I was putting somebody in danger. I’ve been complicit. We all have. And not in an “Ooh, this is scary and fun!” kind of way. But in terms of real people, real friends, and real members of this community.

And I don’t know how to square that circle.

Lia said we needed to contain this whole thing, to stop it from spreading. So right now I’m figuring that the best way to not spread something is to not know anything about it at all. So I’m going away.

As soon as I post this, I’ll be emailing the experiences email to let them know. @kevin and @wanda102, I’m going to cc you both so you’ll have a copy of the email in case anybody is wondering if this is legit or not.

One of my favorite quotes from this thing came in the last few months. “Desires evolve and love fades but the OSDM is forever.” I loved the sense of inevitability it communicated; the idea that no matter what we did, OSDM was eternal and could never be escaped. I’m hoping that quote is wrong.

In the meantime, be safe, friends.