The "Watch" Makers

[Argentrose]

I went to sleep last night worried about Morgan–an entity whom I have met once and been told a great deal about. It doesn’t matter what’s said about him; he’s a person; there is a sense he’s in danger. While narratively it would make sense for him to “disappear” at this stage, there are enough people that actually care about this person that inadvertently, because I care about the people of this community, I am worried for him, too. Why? He’s no one I know. He’s a stranger, but he’s a stranger that, for better or worse, has made an impact on people in this community–a community that I care about, in spite of feeling outside of it–in spite of knowing basically no one except my SO and our friends, friends who are mostly in it for the interesting stuff that’s going on and the events.

I wake up wondering if there’s any news about Morgan. I had to get up this morning early, and sitting and worrying and staring at the Slack and FB page wasn’t magically going to make an answer appear–for better or worse. So, it was with some relief when the SO came down the stairs this morning to get his coffee before heading off to work, that he said that people had heard from Morgan and that he seemed to be fine.

Morgan: you may be everything everyone believes you to be. You may be nothing like what they believe. But know this, …we will not let you go quietly into that good night.

There is that line that blurs between game and reality–a line that transcends truths and falsehood–an emotional reckoning.

I am grateful that Morgan remains with us; I am heartened that his friends and trusted confidantes have not lost someone important to them. And while I may hold suspect many of the things that he or others speaking of him say, narrative sense or not, that Morgan is safe is important to me.

One way or the other, I suppose…even without a side, I show a choice.

Congratulations, Clockmakers–those who made me watch, in spite of my personal thoughts and beliefs about the person in question.

Dicks. >.<

[Meghan Mayhem]

@argentrose What a wonderful post. Thank you.

[John Sawyer]

Damn straight. I’m finding, increasingly, that I care. I was ready to [get dressed and] jump into the car at 11pm last night from Orange County, if it had seemed like there would be good to be done by it. That wasn’t a reaction I was expecting to have. I knew I wasn’t straight up Team PeanutGallery but, hell.

I’m going to piggyback here since it seems the most reasonable place, and @argentrose is the one who spurred me to this particular revelation. I’ve used a lot of [digital] ink talking about reasonable discourse and its boundaries, and was (mildly) tweaked for putting more emphasis on tone than content in Sabrina’s call, and I thought it would be worth putting that forth here, in the context of sides. Apologies in advance for not being able to put my thoughts forth in less than a novella.

Now as a caveat, I understand that there is the reality or potential, appearance or very legitimate feeling that there is actual hurt being done by and to actual people. I don’t want anything that goes below to trivialize that, even as I know it’s impossible not to feel that way – by not siding against known atrocities, I am necessarily placing myself apart from some people who have been hurt.

One premise I have not seen violated -yet- is that anyone who has wanted to walk away has been able to. Any counterexample to that should have our full attention, always and until it is resolved. There is a legitimate grey area by design of what ‘freely’ and ‘choose’ mean under the context of certain people and groups, and I allow for ignorance, but there hasn’t been an instance of someone saying ‘I’m out,’ and not being able to just stop. That means that as uncomfortable or unhappy as we become, we are a consensual party to that, which is important.

As for stances – rather than ‘sides’ – I don’t have any enemies here. The various oracular string puller folks as have been presented to me are mostly well meaning people wanting to do some serious stretching of awareness, boundary, and what-have-you. I’m not suggesting there isn’t some seriously nefarious stuff going on in there, and we can say without any problems that they have been antagonistic to outsiders, dismissive, and either threatening or hoping for hostile action.

On the other hand the BoS has some good people, good stances, and for the most part what it stands for is pretty agreeable. I’d be happy to go for coffee or drinks with them, though I may not want to go to the BOS mixer. On the other hand, it’s defined by antagonism, and a willingness to use more or less whatever means are necessary for the greater good. @meghanmayhem made an analogy to anonymous that sticks pretty well. I might like some of these people, I might not like some of these people, I might not like all of what they stand for, but I might be able to work with all of them some of the time.

We’ve all seen or discussed the fear that there’s always another layer above what we’re working in, that the OSDM and the BOS and any other groups that emerge are working within a larger framework – in the sense that there is an entity that is using us in a way that we would not want to be used. I still lean toward that being a bit of a conspiracy, I’m not always looking for another wall to look behind, and figure we’ve got enough to deal with if what appears to be, is.

Get to the point, right?

I’m not interested in burning bridges. I’m not interested in disengaging. I’m not interested in hate without love. I will engage with all people on all sides, with anyone who wants an ear, or an opinion. You are all people who I want to know more about, and whose views I respect. That means Morgan, that means Sabrina, that means all of the partisans and nonpartisans here. I expect, desire, civility. If you’re not interested in engagement, and only in antagonism, then you won’t find me a terribly willing foil. Tone effing matters.

That may make me a bad soldier, but it’s not a fight I’m after.

[Unseen Presence]

I thought a lot about Morgan last night, too, and my reactions to what might have happened to him.

In my case, I had the additional layer of “what if they are OSDM? What if they’re part of the deeper group or story or narrative or organization you JUST said you were looking for that made you choose to side with them?” Would that make a difference? SHOULD it make a difference?

It’s a legitimately tough question for me.

Because I’ll be honest–I want to understand what was upstairs at the MSE.
I want to know, DO they actually believe they’re bringing back Anoch? Or are they just saying that to give us a story?
CAN they really bring back a God?

These are not insignificant questions for me. I’ve never, not once in my life, had an experience that I would consider “supernatural” or “metaphysical”. And I really envy those who have. Because to have that certainty that there is more than the physical existence that we experience seems like such an extraordinary gift. Even if you aren’t certain WHAT else there is, to be CERTAIN of that plane existing…that’s something that’s so profound (and so missing from my life) that I’m literally putting a show on at Fringe this year that’s the outcome of a decade of this envy.

So the pull of what is ACTUALLY happening at the OSDM is very strong for me. The BOS, conversely, is for me something I’ve already done. Already been. Already experienced. I’ve been the rebel against the corruption. I’ve been the voice standing in resistance to the terrible.

And for me, that’s an empty narrative. I’ve lived through a time where everything I stand for is being removed, piece by piece, moment by moment. And I’m frankly tired of resisting it. It seems … useless.

So the BOS isn’t for me right now. But that does not mean that I have -any- antagonism for those who are part of it. I can (and do) cheer on those who want to fight. I can (and so) applaud them for wanting to put down what they believe is a corrupt, terrible organization. I’ve been them–I understand the motivations. I’m just seeking a different answer now.

Having sorted that in my head last night (in almost exactly the path above), I understood.

I sympathize with Morgan. I even like what I’ve seen of him as a person. So I can, at least at this moment, be worried for him without altering my path.

Whether that will always be the case, I cannot know. It may depend on whether I can walk this path to its completion–or at all. But for now, I have no reason not to remain friendly, cordial, and caring of everyone’s path here. BOS, OSDM or otherwise.

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