August 10, 2017 at 8:21 pm #22293Meghan MayhemParticipant
Well this was…something.
An unpleasant something.
I need a drink.August 10, 2017 at 8:32 pm #22294Brian EParticipant
Well having the 11pm deadline made this doable. I shared something I’ve told almost no one about, and it’s funny how saying it outloud gives a different perspective.August 10, 2017 at 8:42 pm #22295August 10, 2017 at 9:03 pm #22296August 10, 2017 at 9:18 pm #22297Brian EParticipant
After I made my video, I thought to myself that was a lot easier then I though, I realized I forgot a very important final step.
LinkAugust 10, 2017 at 9:43 pm #22298CassandraParticipantAugust 10, 2017 at 9:46 pm #22299Winston SmithParticipantAugust 10, 2017 at 10:02 pm #22300Drew HuntleyParticipant
I commend those of you facing inward today. It just didn’t feel right to finish out the day without doing one as well.
The system aside, I can attest to real power that speaking publicly of your personal truths can have. However this is an unconventional venue for it.
It’s uncomfortable, but the more you uncomfortably talk about it the more you learn to be comfortable with its existence. Once that power is taken down you can get on with your life.
It will still be there, but now you coexist with it.August 10, 2017 at 10:56 pm #22301Kevin HsuParticipant
I worry so many of the things that have been mentioned today; how I look, what I say, how people must perceive me, whether I am living up to expectations, whether I am being understood. But I also worry about whether or not I’m broken.
One thing that I don’t like to tell people is that I used to have anger issues. I didn’t that version of me so I started to bottle up that emotion; not recommend because pressure builds and it eventually explodes. There were many fist shaped holes in the drywall. Trying to fix myself again I think fucked something up and somehow narrowed my emotional range. I don’t get extremely happy or sad. I didn’t cry at my mom’s funeral. I can’t even say that that I hate this about myself because that’s too strong of a word. I dislike my limited emotions.
So…my phone doesn’t like Periscope and makes broadcasts with no audio. I wrote my peace above and you can watch my lips move and my general awkwardness in the link below.
https://www.pscp.tv/w/bFvixTF3QkVBZEdxRHFMalB8MU9kS3Jvd1FhTFBHWJlF1-RMFx9A0Ab-S1wmAAnsZzjr4tbP410lpUI6s3ZEAugust 10, 2017 at 11:00 pm #22302
I did complete this task about thirty minutes ago but Youtube is struggling to upload it. Will post the link momentarily. Apologies for the delay.August 10, 2017 at 11:03 pm #22303AnonymousAugust 10, 2017 at 11:19 pm #22304
This is the link:
I really appreciated this task. I very much enjoyed learning more about everyone. I’ll share more detailed responses shortly. Thank you for giving us this opportunity Noah, and more importantly thank you to The Powers That Be for everything you do.August 11, 2017 at 12:50 am #22305Brad RuweParticipant
Now that I’ve seen @mamatato‘s video and bawled my eyes out with her, I think it’s time for me to get to bed. I’ll catch up with everyone else’s videos tomorrow. Too many tears shed today between this and the death of a friend.August 11, 2017 at 1:50 am #22306Lawrence MeyersParticipant
I’ve been scrambling to catch up on everyone’s videos and won’t get to all of them. But I want to say that most have moved me to tears, and I feel just very grateful to know all of you. After years of bullshit Hollywood “friendships” it is refreshing and humbling to see the inside of REAL people, of REAL friends.
You all did great!!!!!!!August 11, 2017 at 2:07 am #22307
So for those of you that don’t know me, I was an original Tension participant. I haven’t been too active on the Lust forums, but I found this particular activity to be very inspiring and thought-provoking. I would like to get to know more of you, so I typed up some responses to the posts today. Please don’t take offense to any variations in length or topics I chose, I literally just wrote straight from the heart. If you don’t feel like responding or don’t want to get to know me, that’s totally okay. I just wanted to express my appreciation for everything that you guys shared. Also this is about to get very TLDR, so I’m sorry about that.
@sfire8 -I very much respect you for going first. That was a pretty damn brave thing to do, and I feel like your spirit in the video was very genuine.
@kevin -For someone who hates sharing personal stuff about himself, you did a damn good job.
@bryan -I very much appreciated your video. I felt like it was very honest and well thought out, very eloquent overall, and I look forward to getting to know you better throughout this process.
@thebuz -I didn’t know you jerked off while vacuuming. Cool combo dude 😛 Even with the serious nature, your videos definitely made me crack up, a much needed laugh today.
@bruinbown -I really appreciate you sharing this, I hope when I see you at an event I’ll be brave enough to come up to you, even if you seem aloof lol. I’m super socially awkward but you seem like a really cool guy.
@coryphella -If you feel like you’re “weird”, then I think you’re surrounded by the right group of people. Pretty sure we’re all weirdos here. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, if it makes us who we are.
@theladyj -Although I obviously never knew your grandmother, I’m sure she valued other traits besides your career or your education. There are so many other amazing qualities that you have to offer as a person, and I’m certain she would still think the moon and stars of you for all of those things that make you who you are. Your paycheck and your current certificates are only temporary, but who you are fundamentally is much more valuable.
@addisonborn -In your video, you referenced specific items and exactly what they meant to you. You were able to spot them without even searching. It is my understanding that hoarders don’t feel that in most cases, that generally they want to keep the stuff just to have stuff, or out of deep-seeded control issues. Though you may not be a minimalist, I don’t think you should feel any shame for the way that you are.
@kasch -“At least we get to do this shit with our clothes on”-Fucking LOL! I related to a lot of what you had to say. I don’t know you well yet, but I think I’m starting to get why you and Buz are besties.
@chelsea – YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH ABOUT TOMATO JUICE. Just kidding. I love you. I saw your video and am extremely proud of you. You’re doing great. Can’t wait to see you this weekend <3
@creepsociety -Your video actually really helped me with a lot of things I hate about myself (that I didn’t include in my video because I was trying to choose just one). I definitely get the feelings of being a people pleaser, caring more about the welfare of others than yourself. I’m really excited to see you in two weeks and talk more about this. I love you.
@kipsie -I don’t know you, but for the record I would love to hang out with you. I am also socially awkward and totally introverted at times, but the people I’ve met through this have really helped me. I hope this process does the same for you.
@ruck -I actually found your confession to be exceptionally fascinating. Although you use your drive in a self-destructive manner, I heard you describing something very similar to straight burning passion. If you listen to some of the most successful people in history, they described doing what they loved to the point of recklessness as well. If there’s a way to spin that drive into success, I know you can find it.
@daela -The real you is beautiful, and I wish you’d let more people in. I have no other motive to spend time with you than what a wonderful person and friend you are. I just find you to have an incredibly good heart, unbelievable intelligence, and an abundance of kindness. You HAVE changed, you are more out of your shell now than the day we first began talking. Even if you can’t see it in your day to day life, I see it. Thank you for being the first person to visit me when I was in the hospital. Thank you for always offering me your home when I needed a place to stay. Thank you for helping me to understand how real friends are supposed to treat you.
@maddyxxx -Are you trying to succeed or are you trying to feel human? Why are you so afraid of being bad at something? How do you define success?
@shaun -I actually naturally avoid risk in a lot of situations, and I have found having people you love who are more adventurous really helps. Sean has helped me explore new foods and try different activities that I probably would’ve been too afraid to try independently. Going through Ascension also helped break me out of my comfort zone. Can’t wait to see what events Lust will provide for us this year. Hope to see you there.
@wanda102 – I think to some extent caring about whether or not people like you is normal, but the wanting to be right thing could make you less approachable. If I were in that position, I think I’d try to consider which I valued more in a situation. I hate giving up my pride and admitting I was wrong, but I care more about the person I’m arguing with than winning the argument, you know?
@nothenrygale -I hope immersive theater as a whole helps you feel less shame about the things that excite you.
@chloe -I don’t think you’re boring at all. I found your response relatable and I’d actually like to get to know you better. I’m really glad you’re a part of this, and I hope we meet when I come up to LA.
@pandace88 -I know we’ve never met, but I want you to know that I struggled making friends with most women for many years, and participating in Tension and Lust really helped me out with that. I know you said you don’t necessarily need to hear it because this is your own internal thing, but you are worth so much more than perhaps others have given you credit for.
@superstar -I felt like what you said was really brave. There’s a certain warmth about you that I appreciate, and I hope we get to meet at an event soon.
@sovereignskies -I don’t think it’s about the number of friends you have, but the quality of the company you keep. Most people I know have less friends now than they did when they were younger, and most of them seem happier dealing with less bullshit.
@mumumusings -I feel like one day you will get to that point where you stop caring what people think (at least to a certain degree) and I swear it’ll be so effing liberating. I really appreciated learning a little more about you and I still can’t wait for you to come to LA one day!!!
@remrelganaps -I think everyone on some level struggles with being themselves at a point in their lives. I feel like it dissipates with age and with the right company in a lot of cases, I hope that happens for you as well.
@kortneydarling -I’m not sure what the basis of this discovery is, but I will say that I know a lot of women who didn’t experience that at all until their thirties, and most of them did so independently, not with a partner. If it’s not something you want, I totally get that, but if it is, I don’t think you should give up all hope just yet.
@larry -What do you define as the ultimate win? What about the ultimate loss?
@izryn -I think everyone feels like they have room for improvement. The fact that you recognize it is the first half of the battle.
@genghistwan -I don’t think you should punish yourself for grieving. Grieving is a natural part of life, and I completely understand holding on to memories, regardless of how painful they are, because it’s all you have left. I hope you can find a way to stop being so hard on yourself.
@mamatato -I’m going to private message you, but I thought your video was amazing. Definitely the most courageous thing I’ve seen in a long while.
@thegilded -I know you question your worth, but you do a phenomenal job at being my boyfriend. You make me happier than I ever knew I could be. I never thought I’d get to wake up every day thankful for who I was with, and then you happened. I hope I can be responsible for some of your rare excited feelings in our future too.
@julierei -I really appreciated how expressive you were, it felt so human and real. Obviously you don’t only go for what’s safe and easy, because you’re doing Lust, which is certainly adventurous. I’m sure this will help bring you out of your box, and live in the moment.
@shankfx22 -My response to this video goes so much deeper than this paragraph, which we will handle over PM. But for the record you are NOT fucking worthless, and if I ever hear you say that I will drive all the way to LA and spank you. Again. Don’t you make me come up there young lady. Seriously though, I love you. You are such a beautiful soul.
@meghanmayhem -I love your personality. Regardless of how old you get, I will still find you hilarious, intelligent, and fun to talk to. And for the record, I actually think you’re even more beautiful without make-up. Seriously.
@mistere -I have obviously never seen your feet, but for the record I never noticed anything different about the way you walked or stood. I think your value goes far beyond just the physical to be honest.
@erisbonn -Okay, so this is a strange way of looking at it but it always helped me. “Fear is good. It means you have something to lose”. So I think being afraid of being yourself means that you really haven’t lost who you are, it’s still there. You just have to find it again so you can share it with the right people. I hope Lust helps somehow.
@timsmyname -One, your dog is adorable. What was the art form that you gave up for a different career? I am curious.
@cass -I found your video particularly endearing. I can relate to how you act towards others, I am the kind of person that apologizes when other people run into me. I also am a big note taker, I literally write notes before telling someone how I’m feeling or confronting them. I would love to meet you someday.
@winstonsmith -I felt that your comments on other posts were quite insightful and I thought your video was refreshingly blunt.
@wintermute -I found your confession about addiction to be interesting. Have you ever found a positive addiction? Something that’s “good” for you that you just enjoy too much? I ask because I’ve always wondered if it’s possible for me to replace one for the other, or if the addiction exists based on the fact that it’s considered to be “bad” by society. I’d enjoy some perspective on it. On a side note, you have a very cute cat.
@lazysmartperson -I find you kind of awesome 🙂 I look forward to meeting you at a Lust event. I’d really like to be your friend, which I know sounds weirdly socially awkward and cheesy, but I am both of those things so fuck it. Thanks for sharing, even though the audio didn’t quite work.
@shinobi -While I have always believed you are pretty stellar (and still do of course) I hope you don’t take offense when I say I’m not sure I understood your response. He didn’t ask you for regrets or things you’re sorry for, he asked you for something you hate about yourself. While hate is a strong word so I get the objections to it, the feeling of disliking something about yourself is pretty human. If we’re being honest here, I’d be really shocked if there wasn’t a single thing about you that you felt you could do better (again not because you’re not great, but because literally no one is perfect). I hope you don’t find this too rude, because I do find your commentary and company delightful, I just feel like you didn’t really answer the question. Still, I hope future exercises work out better for you.
And last but not least, I wanted to give a little shout out to @111error who wasn’t a part of this for obvious reasons. I just want you to know I love you very much. Thank you for always being there for me.
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