June 12, 2017 at 2:26 pm #16788
The Queen of Hearts – The card of beauty, magnetism, affection and idealism. In the positive form, this card can represent the much-loved mother, the sweetheart, the indispensable sister, or the adored daughter. (In the negative extreme: see Alice in Wonderland.) Talented in some artistic line, even if it’s just in their appreciation of beauty or art, they are often intense and dramatic. They can be very domineering in the family. They are also capable of deep devotion and loyalty. There is a strong streak of religion in the Queen of Hearts and, as such, they are often influenced by strong minded women, religion or spiritual inclination.
For several weeks I knew that the woman typing to me as my confidant was Sabrina Kern. For whatever reason, she couldn’t tell me her true identity and that was fine by me. We wrote each other numerous times a week. Shared pieces of ourselves on an equal basis. Built a strong bond. I got to know Sabrina on a level I hadn’t been able to previously… the good, the bad, the human. I chose to view it as a gift. Thinking back on our conversations, I am left feeling the things she told me were very real for her. These were Sabrina’s life stories with some names and places changed to protect her anonymity. I feel @blondie and @rizzzoooooo and many of you can probably relate, right? Thinking back, does it still feel true to you? The stories your confidant told you and the friendship they gave?
I chose to live inside the confidant charade, waiting patiently for the day Sabrina could tell me the truth. For me the stress wasn’t in the deception, the holding back of a name. My stress was in the wondering… How did Sabrina get back here? what happened? Is she alright? (Please let her be alright.)
It’s funny because my confidant and I would talk a little about the events of last year. The bizarre tale of The Brotherhood of Seraph and how, in the final act, I was quite surprisingly presented with an offer in the form of a title: The Overseer’s Right Hand. The day I accepted that title I had explained to Overseer/Addison/Sabrina that I never wanted to take away her autonomy or her right to her own mind, I only wanted to be there if she stumbled, fell, or simply needed a friend.
I told my confidant about the young woman who became Overseer. I told her how this woman had escaped, but then I pondered… but, did she really escape? I expressed to my confidant that the not knowing still haunts me. One can physically escape a trauma, but that doesn’t mean they ever become mentally or emotionally free.
And here we are now. Sabrina standing front of house, explaining herself to us. Her quest for Anoch. Her realization that she lusts after that power and that spotlight she came into last year. Do we take her words at face value or do we suspect, reasonably, that much more is at play than meets the eye?
Last night, I wrote to my confidant one last time. I told her the only thing that has changed for me is how personal this has all become. I have never cared much about a bunch of cutthroat, power hungry “Kings.” I do care about my friend, my confidant, the one whose faith couldn’t be reprogrammed, Sabrina. I’m not wearing rose colored glasses. These are dark times. But, I made a promise to her last year and I intend on keeping it.
How are you feeling about Sabrina Kern today? I bet she’s watching. What do you want her to know?June 12, 2017 at 3:13 pm #16792BlondieParticipant
@electrichippo I hadn’t actually seen this when I posted… Seems like we’re in a similar situation with similar feelings. Interesting that our paths seem to be heading in a similar direction once again…June 12, 2017 at 4:06 pm #16796Anonymous
Well if she doesn’t need the helmet and this is who she truly is then…. she killed Sadie. Back on enemy list. Fuck my homegirl.June 12, 2017 at 4:37 pm #16797
@shinobi Do you believe anyone actually died during Overseer’s watch? Or, was it all smoke and mirrors that even a brainwashed Sabrina believed were true in the moment?
Yes @blondie it seems we are. It somehow feels different though. Last year my convictions felt honorable. This year it feels like I could quickly find myself on a path right into the arms of darkness.June 12, 2017 at 4:51 pm #16798Anonymous
@electrichippo It’s not whether a life was actually taken. It was the malice in which it was executed. The intent. Homegirl can fuck right off, even though we agree about cute puppies.June 12, 2017 at 4:59 pm #16799
This whole situation is really weird but I think at this point, Sabrina knows exactly what happened with the OOA and the actors and us. She knows that it wasn’t real. She understands that it was show purely made to gain data on all of us. During the time of tension and The “OOA”, I was heavy on the idea that we had to save her and get her out, but since then a lot has come to light showing that it wasn’t real. No one died, no one killed anyone… it was a show to use us.
BUT, that still leaves the fact that people were still hurt in the process. Yes, Sabrina was brainwashed using trauma and a “helmet”, but so were the other actors. However we’ve seen them since! We saw them at the book release party, some of them even are friends with us. How much of what we saw was real and how much was faked just for our data and emotions.
As mush as I’d want to say the reason I went back to the compound was to help everyone there, I’d be lying if I said Sabrina wasn’t the true force that pulled me back in. She knows what happened last year, but she still went back to them. I have nothing against “Anoch”, what I had a problem with was how they treated those inside the compound… and now those who were inside are now out doing their own thing. If Sabs, who was if anything the worst treated, returned to them… I mean, what’s the harm? We have and still are participating in all of this even after what happened last year, if anyone truly had a problem with what they saw last year I’d imagine they would just walk away. But why walk away when you know everyone came out of it fine and dandy.
Plus let’s look at the big picture here, RAISING A GOD?!? Yea, they’re still using us for our data but it seems like the end goal is to bring a god to life. I’ve yet to hear a tale of Anoch being evil, lmao anyone who has anything to say about the guy has always been positive.
Basically what I’m trying to say is this:
Sabs, I went back to help you and “save” you … but in reality you never needed (or wanted) saving. So as of now I take that offer back, but the offer to help will always stand. If you were telling the truth when you told us “I am Rain”, then I’ll always be there for you. I’ll always be ya boi, if you need anything… well, I’ll be here haha
I mean come the fuck on you guys…
Raising a God sounds pretty fucking incredible if you ask me. Let give this guy some flesh and see what all the hubba hubba is about.June 12, 2017 at 5:03 pm #16800
I also want to say this in regards to Sadie, @shinobi
Addison did that, not Sabrina. When Sabrina was finally taken out of the helmet, she learned it wasn’t real. I can’t blame her for the things that Addsiom did, I personally view them as different people. If I was brainwashed and then came out of it to learn what I did, I’d be fucked up. BUT THEN to learn what I did wasn’t even real and everyone is A-OK, I don’t think I’d be too pressed.June 12, 2017 at 5:11 pm #16801Anonymous
@rizzzoooooo I look at Marty Rathbun as a parallel. He was a top dog, defected and disavowed. Now he’s back being a tool again. I’m not sure that brainwashing goes away. Sabrina is Addison and Addison is Sabrina. Being sympathetic to her will only reveal weak points for her to strike.June 12, 2017 at 5:16 pm #16802
Mhm very true @shinobi
But like… Bringing a god back to life tho. Like I’m not even tryna get special attention from Anoch when he comes back! It just sounds pretty fucking crazy to help give a god flesh and blood again and like, I’m pretty down for that trip TBHJune 12, 2017 at 5:19 pm #16803Anonymous
@rizzzoooooo The closest you’ll ever come to that trip, brother, is by actually tripping. Which can be arranged. Otherwise, Anoch is bullshit.
And yes, I know you’re watching so allow me to repeat myself… Anoch is bullshit.June 12, 2017 at 5:38 pm #16804
@shinobi I suspect you’re far from alone in your distrust of Sabrina.
@rizzzoooooo I’ve never believed in a God, but what if I just never came across the right one? Anoch being real is an exciting (and terrifying?) possibility.June 12, 2017 at 5:42 pm #16805Anonymous
@electrichippo As a responsible SP, I’m gonna have to do everything I can to make sure you don’t follow this false god. I care too much about you to let that happen.June 12, 2017 at 5:59 pm #16809
@electrichippo same tbh, I’ve never been a religous fellow, but then again I’ve never seen and/or helped bring one back to life.
If they need a lil help doing that, why not? I’m game.June 12, 2017 at 5:59 pm #16810JackieParticipant
Sabrina as my confidant, was near polar opposite to the serious, ominous harbinger I talked with in Tension and the confident, mature, assured woman at the Confidant event. But to me, My conversations with Phoenix were funny. I think what was troubling is this: They seemed so honest. Sabrina put in work and she WANTS to put in work.
She has come to this conclusion and this is her identity resolved (for now?). For many, many people who have watched their love ones self destruct, this is a rough narrative. I don’t want this from her. And I want to help to save her. But clearly from Sunday, she is not a damsel. She doesn’t need us, she just needs something from us: Whatever they want.June 12, 2017 at 6:12 pm #16814
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