Lust FB: End of Chapter One

This topic contains 62 replies, has 31 voices, and was last updated by  Meghan Mayhem 2 months ago.

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    @russell – I haven’t had many interactions this year, and the only one that really stuck with me was the guy with the voice and the bloody truth about Anoch. I’ve felt connected to the odd story but not the people. It’s been enough though.

    The iConfidant thing was funny…I have no idea where I fit in this year, if I do at all. I knew, obviously, that the whole confidant thing was fake but part of me was still like…maybe this is a friend, actually. Maybe this person does care about me. She said she did, she said that I mattered to her. I did let myself get my hopes up about that which is fucked up, I know better than that. It being Sabrina, to me, means that the confidant was only a trap. And that hurts in an odd way. It’s an oddly meta thing and blurs some weird lines – Sabrina the character who absolved me of my sins in the Red Room vs Sabrina the actress who has never spoken a word to me but has friended me on FB, neither of which was really my friend but the loss of both hurts…do I want Real Sabrina to be my Real Friend? Is that what I’m mourning? Am I being hard on myself thinking that she wouldn’t be friends with me? Is it because of what she said to me in the Red Room last fall? The whole thing becomes this knot of feelings about myself and real Sabrina and the character Sabrina and my actions that weren’t in game but were addressed in game and…..blergh.

    Was she lying when she said we could facetime?

    What is the “plan” for me, if there is one?

    In the meantime I’m stuck in this meta on meta on meta mobius strip of emotions.


    Not having a history with any any of the characters and only a few active interactions with other participants, I really grabbed on to iConfidant. They’re weren’t as many as others may have had, but I appreciated and enjoyed my interactions. I also pretty much aligned with the implied, if not directly stated, mission of the company to provide a way to connect with others. Even though I feared it was going to be a lie I jumped right in anyway. It was my way to be active and participate as I may not have much to offer otherwise.
    Now that it’s gone I feel lost and am not sure where to turn.


    @coryphella On the positive side, isn’t there an emotional aspect to the quandry you find yourself in? That’s the good side of these types of experiences, I think.

    I hope it did not come across that I was griping about a lack of interaction. That is not what’s going on. It just confuses me that I received an apology for being failed by a character who I have felt a strong connection to in the past. This apology is because she disappointed me?
    I was not disappointed in her, I was disappointed that I was matched with an iConfidant I seemed to have very little in common with and who seemed to be echoing everything that I said.

    It hurts me to think Sabrina feels like she failed me… but there was nothing for me to latch onto in those exchanges. Which accounts for my surprise that she says she tried. Maybe she was too cautious because she was afraid I would “catch on” somehow? I am sure that is not what she would have wanted. And what of this indication that she seems to embracing a “darkness” of some kind. That worries me, as well, and is one of the reasons I had such an angry reaction to the event yesterday. It does sadden me that she felt the need to return.

    @ziegenbartsr It makes me happy to hear you jumped in the way did. For you, it sounds like you were an iConfidant success story. You seem engaged and are missing it. But… (insert ominous music cue here)… does this mean you are now a target of some kind in light of yesterday’s revelations? How personal did you get, what did you share… you don’t really have to answer that. 🙂 My point is this: they seem to be taking those pledges seriously and they seem to feel they have enough information to move forward with some plan.


    @russell I don’t want to overstep, but as an observer in that moment I didn’t take it to be an apology related to iConfidant. I know that in the past you had mentioned your less than stellar experience with the service, but the way she said she was sorry “she couldn’t be your Addison” gave me the impression she was talking directly about the deeper history you share, apologizing for a much older offense than simply not being a good anonymous pen pal. It strikes me that while Addison turned out to be a fiction and the tragedy of that was tied to you personally more than most, The End left us with the sense that Sabrina was still a victim and that many of the feelings we had for Addison could still be applied to her if you didn’t overthink it. But yesterday, seeing that after all Sabrina had been put through she has returned willingly to her manipulators, was heartbreaking. And the motivation she gives– her lust for attention, performance, missing the feeling of having people in the palm of her hand– this feels like another betrayal, like we’ve lost Addison all over again. She’s now entirely complicit, and that could be viewed as failing us. Saying she is not our “happy ending” feels like a much more direct reference to Tension than the rest of her speech. And, as someone who has been an observer for a long time but never directly involved, it felt fitting to me that if she were to apologize for this betrayal to anyone, it would be you. I could be reading all of this very wrong, it was your experience, but this is what was going through my head at the time.


    But, Chris, Chris, CHRIS!!!
    OVERHTINKING IS WHAT I DOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!!! Haha!

    You raise very good points. Since that specific meeting was so heavily focused on iConfidant, that is where I placed the emphasis.

    Overstepping? No way in hell are you overstepping, I appreciate your thoughts.

    Your perspective is helpful, and I have been pondering some similar thoughts on yesterday. Mainly, the thought you touch on about The End. That final look she gave me before she got into that car and drove away brought so much sadness… she did get out, which, in my opinion, is what was best for her at that time. Perhaps the apology was referencing the idea that the Addison/Sabrina who left that night did not choose to stay away. Maybe she feels I would judge her for that… which I may not understand her decision, I would not judge her for that.

    Well… not much. Maybe a little.

    Chris, you were in that room yesterday, Sir. I believe you are now directly involved, wherever that might lead…


    @russell – OH NO not at all! It didn’t seem like you were griping. Of anyone you are the last person here to do that. I think I understood what you were saying and actually believe I kind of agree with what @macbethinabathtub feels Addison was apologizing for – not for your experience with iConfidant but for your connection overall, through all of Tension, and maybe perhaps for being the ingenue for all of us?

    Honestly I’m really much more interested and invested in her character now that she has made a decision to go back. I almost never care for the ingenue. I’m interested in what comes next for her now.

    And yes, there is definitely an emotional side to what I’m experiencing, it’s similar to the Aleister stuff from last year though not entirely. Both reflect something about me, and how I connect with theatre and with these experiences, and the reality of those connections. In both cases I wasn’t looking for fiction, in both cases it wasn’t about the character – it was never about the character of Aleister. It was about the person I was conversing with, and enjoying those conversations. And here, it was about the possibility that there was an actual person who said I was important to her. Both cases I wasn’t seeking a fiction, I was seeking a reality that didn’t exist. To actually mentally engage with the character Sabrina/Addison/Aleister/Stacey/Sarah/Noah – I have to mentally make myself do that, and that’s less interesting to me. I want the real. I don’t think it’s impossible for me to connect with a fictional character – I think that both Aleister and my confidant could easily have been that had one not been murdered by my feelings (@mike) or something and the other not been Sabrina but a genuine connection has to be there first. Or a cat.

    Or – something has to completely pull the floor out from under me. That’s why, @russell, I need you to see Andrew Schneider’s YOUARENOWHERE, so we can talk about it and why it shattered me. 🙂

    @ziegenbartsr – I truly, sincerely hope that you experience connection again in Lust, I know how engaged you’ve been and it’s been great to talk about this in person with you 🙂

     David Shields 

    Well that was intense, alot of people that I do not know and alot of stuff that I did not understand yet. I have a few thought, has anyone looked into what the music playing in the back is? does it mean anything? also did anyone follow Stacy after she ran out at the end saying “Fuck you, Fuck you all!”? did anyone see her after that?
    Just throwing out some ideas that may add to new clues and new stuff showing up.


    Please, someone must have followed Stacey out? She might be the only innocent person in this whole mess!

     Lauren Bello 

    A few thoughts on watching the video back…

    – “Our”. Not “their”. “Our”.
    – We’ve been wondering for a while about whose sacrifice we’d pledged our desire for. Jacob belongs to several categories. Which category was he referring to when he said “our”? “Our sacrifice and freedom” could be OSDM’s sacrifice, the sacrifice of those of Jacob’s bloodline, the sacrifice of those who were “born into this” like Jacob was…
    – What’s interesting to me is that when Sabrina referenced the pledge, she went back to using “they”. “You have all now begun to pledge your desire for their sacrifice and freedom.” So, not her. Whoever “they” is, the category includes Jacob and not Sabrina.

    Stacey: “The iConfidants are not mine. They never even used my code.” Presumably Stacey’s reference to “my code” was either an algorithm for matching confidants……….or an AI program as originally speculated. Either way, since it never launched, I guess we’ll never know.

    Sabrina: “I know that some of you think you know who I am, due to my digital shadow, due to the things you see online, but that’s just another projection of lies. That’s the skin I wear in the light, and the skin that I shed when his darkness comes upon me.” This was the molting, guys! Sabrina shedding her digital skin and showing her true self. I’m kind of ok with this. I may want to molt myself. (When Anoch’s darkness reigns, will we all molt?)

    Sabrina: “You have all now offered yourselves as a gift of those of their blood. You have all now begun to pledge your desire for their sacrifice and freedom, making way for Dusk. Making way for him to come to earth in his flesh once more.”
    – “Those of their blood.” As in, of their bloodline? A whole bloodline is going to sacrifice and be made free?
    – The pledge of desire for their sacrifice and freedom is going to make way for Anoch to become flesh. So what they need was for us to DESIRE this to happen? I wonder what would have happened if we hadn’t pledged to desire it. Can they do nothing without our desire? It feels a bit reminiscent of American Gods. Or Peter Pan. They need enough of us believing and desiring Anoch’s return in order for him to return.

    “Tom”: “And especially thank you…for the upcoming sacrifice.”
    – In other words, in the sacrifice to come, whoever’s sacrifice it is…we will be held accountable. We are being thanked for enabling this to happen.



    I was thinking of the conversation between Stacy and Kristen. Kristen said she felt treated like a two, and felt hurt by it. She gave a sassy head tilt and joined hands with the suit, Jacob(?). None of the Sinclairs were present as many noted, and Otis’ facebook video has a strong suggestion of coming from said Sinclair compound/house.
    But even if Kristen felt like a two, with the card explanation, it doesn’t matter if one is an average 2 or an elite 10. All that matters is the king at the top. (in the Sinclair version, anyways.) To me, It further suggests a bigger divide between old/new testament or at least a differentiating philosophy. Are all the ‘born-into-it’ children are fighting for domination of the bottom?


    @daela if we’re operating under the assumption that it’s Horace who called myself and the others last night (I don’t have a good reason to doubt it,) then it’s telling that he and Tom both gave thanks for the upcoming sacrifice. It ties in with @shankfx22‘s theory of them both working towards the same goal. Horace through the System/the Head and Tom through iconfidant/the Heart. I’d ask “now what,” but that’s a more frightening question than it used to be.

     Bryan Bishop 

    So many great points in your recap, @daela, but this in particular stood out:

    “This was the molting, guys! Sabrina shedding her digital skin and showing her true self.”

    Was all the discussion of shadows, shedding skin, and Tool lyrics simply been foreshadowing Sabrina’s evolution? That was one of the most consistent themes we have seen thus far, so having it tied to just one person would be a shame – unless she is also serving as a model for what all of us can achieve if we burn away the old.

    @russell Several others have already said this, but I’ll join the chorus: Sabrina’s apology also played to me as an apology for not living up to your expectations – and, by extension, all of ours. Though I’m not convinced that was a goodbye.

    Few know her and connected with her like you did. That kind of history and shared experience is often what allows some people to reach others when all other attempts have failed. I’m not saying that Sabrina needs help, by any means – she’s made her own decisions for her own reasons – but one never knows when we will encounter people from our past again, and to what end.

    @coryphella What is this talk of “characters”? Sabrina Kern is real. Addison Barrow was the only fiction. 😉


    Short, but oh so simple point to a new comer: They keep referring to Anoch as a Male entity.
    Not unusual, but, as a man with a little girl and little boy that makes me feel safer. Boys are so much more predictable than girls 😉


    I don’t want it to be true, but I have a feeling that the “upcoming sacrifice” is going to be Otis. Here’s the thing about sacrifice — it’s got to mean something to you for it to truly be a sacrifice; you’ve got to give up something that you care about. Is that what this is about, then? To make us all care about something before ripping it out from our collective hands and placing it on a metaphorical/literal altar?

    In that light, iConfidant makes a lot more sense. They didn’t lie to us, it was indeed a beta test. Not beta-testing Stacey’s code or any sort of matching process, but rather testing our reactions to having our companions essentially replaced by Sabrina, someone who is no longer who she appeared to be. That’s why they bothered with the reveal on Sunday in the first place. Next I fear it’s going to be Otis.

     David Shields 

    Do we know if anyone knows where Stacy when when she ran out of the room, that could be important!

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