May 26, 2017 at 12:00 am #14759
Horace, Noah Sinclair’s father, just called me.
He definitely spoke with authority. He knew how to command a conversation. He introduced himself and preached about the difference between winners and losers. The strong have no need to be held or caressed; the need to be proven worthy is a only a defect in broken little boys who still wish for their mother’s approval and love. I definitely felt the cold logic that Noah had spoken about.
He then told me he needed something from me. I asked if I should get a pen, but he said not yet. He asked me to give up my duality, to embrace the real true side of myself. The side he was speaking to was my logical side; the scientific engineer in me–the side that knows how the real world works. He was trying to tap into my ambition.
He told me that no matter how sensitive or kind I think I am, I should know deep down that romance is only a tool of the losers. The people that empathize, that care, that listen, they are just tools to entertain the female species after the strong have passed on our seed. He obviously saw woman as nothing more than a means to an end.
He then told me I could grab a pen.
“Consider this a contract with yourself. Whenever you hear anything that involves The Lust Experience, whether it’s Noah Sinclair, my investors, or iConfidant, you don’t write about it in your little online need-for-approval blog without thinking about me. Anything Lust related, I want you to take a long hard look at whether its something I would find interesting. Why? Because if you want to be brought up from the bottom, you listen to the man at the top.
I won’t let you into my world because I think you have an interesting mind or I appreciate your sense of feng shui. It will be because you’ve proved yourself useful to me. That is how the real world works.”
And then he hung up.
A few key points I’ll note. The feng shui and romance comments are comments derived from my talks with my confidant. So it’s clear that Horace has access to the information within those emails. He’s asking me to make a choice. To throw away my confidant and be useful to him–or to be weak and entertain the fancies of my confidant while he does he thinks is needed. Further, it is of interest that he said MY investors, meaning the Lust Experience is being sponsored directly by him. Finally, I watched @electrichippo‘s video of the book release party, and I can say with confidence that Horace was the man who told us to “get the fuck out” that night!
May 26, 2017 at 12:03 am #14760
DAAAANG. DANG. HIS INVESTORS. YOUR OF USE TO HIM. DAAAAANG.
May 26, 2017 at 12:08 am #14761
May 26, 2017 at 12:08 am #14762BlondieParticipant
I TOLD YOU SOMEONE WAS READING OUR iCONFIDANT EMAILS…
Ok, now that’s out my system. Horace sounds delightful. With his views on success (and women), we can see the apple didn’t fall far from the tree with Noah. But with one small difference. Noah has a heart. Horace doesn’t and that makes him dangerous. Bear that in mind when picking your side @taysavestheday… Nice guys don’t always finish last.
May 26, 2017 at 12:11 am #14764CandaceParticipant
Thanks for the thorough write up @taysavestheday! That sounded like a super intense call and it seems you are being faced with some serious choices to make. Excited for u that u got thus call! Definitely interesting to find out the investors belong to him and that he IS the old suit guy from book release! He did sound a lot like the Noah website that night. I am so engaged right now 😃
May 26, 2017 at 12:21 am #14765
@sfire8, I was totally getting flashes of a Handmaiden’s Tale as he was saying that. He definitely has a very different view of the world than most do.
@pandace88, seriously! It’s a tough decision–and the call was very intense. His diction was perfectly chosen. I was left shaken for a bit after the call but collected my thoughts quickly to write this out. Thank you! Now to weigh my options!
@blondie, you always know what’s happening. And thanks, I’ll consider your words when deciding.
May 26, 2017 at 12:29 am #14766Max ZParticipant
Whoa whoa whoa, did this guy just call Haunting a “little blog”?
May 26, 2017 at 12:36 am #14767MarandaParticipant
I disagree with Horace completely. Empathy and emotion are critical for working with others in a mutually constructive way. If he is, by his own definition, “successful,” I would rather stay at the “bottom” where people care for one another and respect each other, than be at the “top” where there is nothing but selfishness and greed.
@taysavestheday When I have a choice to make, I always ask myself this: what am I going to regret the least?
May 26, 2017 at 12:49 am #14768
May 26, 2017 at 12:52 am #14769
Nice! Or not really because Horace is a dick.
I’ll have more thoughts on this in the morning, but one thing struck me. At registration The Man with the Stick told me I would need both my head and my heart moving forward. That’s a pretty direct contradiction of what Horace just said to @taysavestheday. So where do they stand in relation to each other? Given Horace’s comments about the investors, Stick Man looks like he’s under Horace too. Could be that he’s not, or could be that he’s running his own game. Very curious about Stick Man now.
May 26, 2017 at 12:57 am #14770ChrisParticipant
Diabolical. Though it makes my head spin a little to hear Noah’s father, presumably a person from the early days of Tension, openly call this The Lust Experience. Are Noah and Sarah aware of the existence of The Lust Experience? Is The System actually as real as the OSDM after all? I feel like the ouroboros must be getting full by now.
So, @taysavestheday, what do you think he wants specifically? What would an artical about Lust that would interest him look like?
May 26, 2017 at 12:58 am #14771EvanParticipant
Whenever you hear anything that involves The Lust Experience, whether it’s Noah Sinclair, my investors, or iConfidant, you don’t write about it in your little online need-for-approval blog without thinking about me.
I wonder what happens if @taysavestheday uses his stick to poke the bear a tiny bit. You know, just a little… to see how it feels.
May 26, 2017 at 1:08 am #14772LiaParticipant
Ok first of all. VERY COOL. Also, @taysavestheday, Horace wouldn’t be reaching out to you unless he really needed something from you. Lots of people talk about Lust in public ways. He wants you for a specific reason. You have some power here, even if he tries to make you feel like you don’t.
Ok, getting off my soapbox now.
Also, Michelle seemed to be in cahoots with Horace the last time we saw him. What’s changed between them in the last two months?
May 26, 2017 at 1:12 am #14773
May 26, 2017 at 1:17 am #14774Meghan MayhemParticipant
I told you guys Horace was a dick. Fuck that guy. I hope that the parts of Noah that separate him from his paternal origin prevail.
To have all head or all heart is to deny yourself a true human experience. One must have both.
Do not let the goons rattle your bones, none of you.
- This reply was modified 9 months ago by Meghan Mayhem.
May 26, 2017 at 2:32 am #14776
So after a drink, I think I’m ready to make this post. This was not easy by any means, and felt worse to me than some of the break-ups I’ve had. I really cared for my confidant. I opened up to her in the past month that we’ve talked, and shared things I haven’t shared with others. I always looked forward to getting her emails too–and we had long in-depth conversations. They weren’t short or robotic in the slightest. You might wonder how I felt things so strongly for someone I had never even met, but it makes sense to me. As @maxzumstein so eloquently put it, “She was real as anything. Reality is lived experience.” And I agree completely.
But that’s not my path in Lust. So I wrote my confidant one last letter. And to completely open and honest with everyone, I wanted to share it here:
It was a pleasure getting to know you over this past month. You are someone who will leave a mark on this world. But my path is not with you or iConfidant.
I have a duality inside of me: a battle between logic and feelings. But the world doesn’t cater to both; my feelings are nothing more than a distraction from my true potential. I can’t waste time on emotions or silly whims of romance. I have to embrace that I have the potential for so much more. So from today on, I’ll be working to remove those emotions; to embrace the way the world really works. If I want to be strong, if I want to be useful to those above me, I can’t be distracted by emotions–or by you.
Maybe one day at a night market in Kerala, we’ll pass by each other as strangers, listening to different soundtracks.
PS. Just know this was a really hard choice. But the pain I’m feeling right now will hopefully make this easier. So, the first thing I need to remove is the fact that I am really, really going to fucking miss talking to you.
May 26, 2017 at 4:07 am #14777
Everyone’s journey is personal , with twists and turns, just when we think we understand; it changes! Your path digs deeper into the psyche of lust. How far will we go? What will we sacrafice? …This is a pale hand beckoning you into the dark.
Your opportunity is unique, I don’t know what I’d do in your situation. Some, this is what they want, moral trepidation. Others, no.
I support your journey and look forward to seeing what stepping into darkness brings into the light.
May 26, 2017 at 4:33 am #14778ChloeParticipant
Greedy, sexist, only thinks of himself and what he can do for himself, thinks you’re only here to please him.
And ” entertain the female species
like we’re a specific separate species instead of human beingsafter the strong have passed on our seed”? Won’t be surprised to hear him say “grab her by the pussy” sometime later on.
You can have all the money and power in the world, but what does any of that matter when you die? You can’t take any of that with you. Being kind, compassionate, and caring towards others, leaving behind a good imprint on the world, that’s what actually matters. I guess all he cares about is leaving his seedy imprint of power and corruption.
May 26, 2017 at 6:07 am #14779Anonymous
@taysavestheday has gone full darkest timeline.
May 26, 2017 at 6:08 am #14780Bryan BishopParticipant
The man finally steps out from behind the curtain, and he’s not simply as bad as his son – he’s much, much worse. Thank you for recounting this in such detail, @taysavestheday.
It seems that Horace’s words lay out a clear challenge; the thematic heart of this experience. Will we choose the greater good – compassion, empathy, goodwill – or will we scorn that for personal gain? I didn’t expect iConfidants to be the litmus test, but now we’re seeing how the pieces start to align.
Good luck @taysavestheday, and Godspeed. But be cautious. The Horace and Noah’s of the world only want those that can serve them. Given what he said about making sure he would be happy with anything you post, it appears Horace wants to turn your site into his own personal PR arm. That offers you some real upside – until the moment Horace decides he no longer needs you.
May 26, 2017 at 6:39 am #14781CristenParticipant
Oh, Taylor. I hope you know what you’re doing.
What happens at the end, when you need us the most, and you’ve sacrificed your relationships in a flimsy search for “usefulness?”
May 26, 2017 at 7:08 am #14782
Do you frequently visit night markets in Kerala?
May 26, 2017 at 7:16 am #14783Anonymous
I was thinking yesterday that the commonalities between yourself, @rizzzoooooo, and myself’s interactions with our iConfidants was for something specific and I think this was it.
We were being tested with how close we could get to our iConfidants… and something you did triggered Horace to call you and challenge you to drop it all.
Perhaps you were the most loyal out of the three of us, thus the greatest achievement?
Either way… this is most definitely the darkest timeline.
May 26, 2017 at 7:20 am #14785Anonymous
Also @taysavestheday I edited the date on your post title FYI. Hope you don’t mind.
May 26, 2017 at 7:21 am #14786Kimberly StewartParticipant
“If you want to be brought up from the bottom, you listen to the man at the top.” -Horace
@taysavestheday, you’re a very smart guy, a very driven guy, but it does appear you’ve just participated in a one-sided negotiation. You may have even just sold your soul to the proverbial devil.
It seems your task now is to prove yourself useful to Horace, but to what ends? Step one: Ditch your friend, your confidant, someone I know you’ve grown very close to and care deeply for. What will step 2, 3 and 4 look like? Will you also politely toss me aside? @rizzzoooooo? @heartofgoldengrahams? All the pesky emotionally based distractions? The fall-out list could get pretty long. Are you prepared?
I’m not interested in judging your choice. Instead I’m left pondering: What would the rest of us do if Horace called? It could prove a more difficult choice than we might expect.
May 26, 2017 at 7:36 am #14787Kimberly StewartParticipant
One more thought: @taysavestheday, I believe the thing you did that set this in motion was appealing to Sarah in regards to how you relate to her. You told her how you also would do whatever it took to survive, achieve and succeed. You backed this up with stories of your life and career. Watching your correspondence with your confidant merely filled the picture out more completely for those who watch.
Rizzo and I carry on lengthy correspondences with our confidants too, as well as communicating with Sarah, but we aren’t really the type to so clearly express and demonstrate a desire and drive towards for power/success/control. That’s where you stand apart, Taylor.
May 26, 2017 at 7:56 am #14788Tim RedmanParticipant
Wow, @taysavestheday. Waking up to this was quite the jolt of literary caffeine. Thanks for putting it all out there.
I just recently discarded my own iConfidant, but for the exact opposite reasons. I didn’t think we were ever going to connect and wine was way more interesting when I thought he was broken.
I’m looking more forward to filling out my iConfidant beta evaulation form than actually communicating with my actual iConfidant, there’s a problem somewhere.
I remember Horace. Standing in the dark by himself. Waiting….
I remember him shouting at the room. I remember how people didn’t take him seriously. And then shuffled out without urgency. There’s a video that shows this. A video I’d think he’d want to suppress.
One doesn’t have power without some context to support it.
And remember @taysavestheday you have something this guys needs. It’s not the other way around. You have the followers and the keyboard. What does this guy have? The master skills to select Tina and that dysfunctional crew at 5/1? The sure hand that raised the golden child of all golden children, Noah?
Make sure this guy impresses you in some way before you step in with him and keep in mind like our friend Otis who may have already gotten too close.
Right now, we have the numbers. Don’t let them pick us off one by one.
- This reply was modified 9 months ago by Tim Redman.
May 26, 2017 at 8:25 am #14790SageParticipant
@electrichippo, you are very optimistic in believing that Horace might have called you if your iConfidant interactions/personality might have been different. But I think it’s pretty clear that Horace is not interested in investing in any of us “female species.” We are merely here for male seeds to be planted in. Ick.
May 26, 2017 at 8:52 am #14791
May 26, 2017 at 9:03 am #14792Twan IntarathuchParticipant
Good luck man. I don’t necessarily agree with your decision, but I look forward to seeing how you shake things up.
To Horace if you’re reading any of this… all of this winner/loser talk is bullshit. Like I wrote to your former lackey Sarah long ago, “This world is indeed filled with needlessly complex people and emotions, but your assertion that there are winners and losers is infinitely short-sighted. In the long-run we all lose. Noah is a loser…. you are a loser… you just don’t realize it ”
Be prepared to lose asshole
May 26, 2017 at 9:05 am #14793
Echoing what others have said, @taysavestheday, you’ve got something he wants or needs, not the other way around. He hasn’t really offered anything at this point, but he got you to give up something that had become important to you. A guy like Horace isn’t going to stop, he takes and takes until his current target has been drained dry and then he’ll move on to someone he else considers useful, or in his own words from the book party, “worthy”.
He already bashed Haunting and called it your “little online need-for-approval blog” and in the same breath turned around and said you should use it to gain his approval. What happens when this moves to something other than relationships? What happens if he asks you to jeopardize the integrity of something you’ve built through a lot of hard work by only allowing Lust related things that he wants on it? He’s going to take and take until you break away from him or run out of things that will help him.
I think you really nailed the heart of it with this line, @electrichippo:
I’m not interested in judging your choice. Instead I’m left pondering: What would the rest of us do if Horace called? It could prove a more difficult choice than we might expect.
May 26, 2017 at 9:05 am #14794Anonymous
Goddammit @taysavestheday! We’re nothing, if not loyal!!!
May 26, 2017 at 9:05 am #14795
The philosophy of people like Horace are ‘this product is only valuable if people are buying it.’if someome buys his pitch, a little pain and some growth can be a placebo affect and antidotal for his system, rather than it actually working. It’s an emotional ponzi scheme. In pain I grew, so I will inflict pain upon you, to grow you. Then if you survive, you will inflict on others to groom them the same way. Sucess is defined by the top of the pyramid, no where else.
iConfidant is the polar opposite. Together, through community and friendship, we’ll achieve escaping the loneliness of life. At your pace, at your comfort. There is no being pulled by the bit. It’s a casual stroll into finding your best friend. And there is no uniformed defined version of success.
Maybe it comes down to what us, they players, define as success. Is it writing the play book, being the apex of the pyramid? Or is it compassion, and celebrating the positives of our humanity, and making real connections that are good for real the soul and no where else?
May 26, 2017 at 9:22 am #14796CristenParticipant
The people that empathize, that care, that listen, they are just tools to entertain the female species after the strong have passed on our seed.
Well shit, glad all of you have been so “entertaining” thus far. Any of you girls care to recommend a good waxer for my Seed Depository?
Fuck off, old man.
May 26, 2017 at 9:30 am #14797
Oh *that* is why I like cats so much. I don’t find empathy all that entertaining.
Anyone who aligns with this dick gets what he deserves.
May 26, 2017 at 9:58 am #14798
May 26, 2017 at 9:59 am #14799
May 26, 2017 at 10:02 am #14801
May 26, 2017 at 10:07 am #14802
May 26, 2017 at 10:07 am #14803LiaParticipant
@theladyj Similar topics came up the first time I met Noah. We talked about success, what it means to be powerful, and being held accountable for my own choices, or “managing my bullshit,” as he so gracefully put it. So, I understand the intrigue. Everyone wants to feel more in control. But nothing was ever asked of me, and Noah never had an “…or else” clause at the end of any his advice.
@taysavestheday, I can’t be as impartial as others on here. You are moving towards aligning yourself with a legit awful, puppy-burning guy. Please, ask yourself what you’re looking to get out of this. Please reconsider.
May 26, 2017 at 10:24 am #14811Carl WebbParticipant
@taysavestheday I can understand the temptation to see what’s down the rabbit hole, but my confidant, at least, seems a whole lot more fun to hang around with than Horace. (I’ll still be curious, though, to see what shows up now on Haunting: A Sinclair Subsidiary.)
Of course, now we know for sure that Horace, at the very least, has access to the iConfidant email. If it turns out that it’s more than that, that they’re all just sock puppets run by him or some minion, won’t I feel stupid for not seeking out such a deal myself…
May 26, 2017 at 10:51 am #14818
I want to thank everyone for giving me the autonomy to make my own choice and not telling me what to do. That is greatly appreciated.
I really understand the gravity of the situation–and again, that’s why it was so difficult for me. I think the question we will all be asking ourselves at some point during this is what do we lust after? And the choices that we will have to make will truly test us to see what it is we truly desire.
However, what will be interesting to you all is that I received an email from Stacey as well. So reveals what we found out from Horace’s call–he definitely had eyes on our correspondences. I’ll paste it below for your reading pleasure.
I just heard what happened. I am so so incredibly sorry. There have been a few accounts that were compromised
last night over the course of about one hour and yours happened to be one of them. I am so embarrassed and so sorry because this is not what I iConfidant stands for. I will remain vigilant in finding out who is responsible for the compromise of these few accounts and I can assure you that this will never happen again. We believed that we had
completely secured a Trojan horse breach from a few weeks ago but we are still actively looking into whether this is
part of that compromise to our system. Have you had reports of anyone mimicking you in any digital communications
during the last two months?
My sincerest apologies.
May 26, 2017 at 10:56 am #14819Anonymous
We believed that we had
completely secured a Trojan horse breach from a few weeks ago but we are still actively looking into whether this is
part of that compromise to our system.
Ah, the maddyxxx.jpg is definitely what the Trojan horse was… at least that’s my assumption.
May 26, 2017 at 11:09 am #14820SeanModerator
Could be the maddyxxx thing. But when speaking about data breaches and system stability it could just be a classic, old fashioned Trojan Horse style virus.
If they’re talking about the maddyxxx thing, that suggests that their data was compromised because someone pulled some info from it. That means that the breach is essentially secured at this point. However, if it was a Trojan that was used the system may still be compromised. Which means we may be seeing more of this if their IT staff don’t nip this in the bud.
May 26, 2017 at 11:11 am #14821Lauren BelloModerator
Have you had reports of anyone mimicking you in any digital communications during the last two months?
So, the shadows and the @kasch imposter.
Those whose shadows appeared on the forum, and Andrew, had enough of their writing and speech online to create doubles. For the rest of us, our correspondence with our confidants will ultimately serve the same purpose.
This begins to tie into Ramik’s question about our need to share our identities. I imagine some of us will keep sharing our identities with our confidants, new information notwithstanding. Like Nicole, we’re too invested in seeing our own image reflected back to us.
May 26, 2017 at 11:15 am #14822
Security is a mess at iConfidant.
I just heard what happened. I am so so incredibly sorry. There have been a few accounts that were compromised last night over the course of about one hour and yours happened to be one of them. I am so embarrassed and so sorry because this is not what I iConfidant stands for.
If the Trojan is still on their system and can be used to gain access to a few accounts, I’d have to believe that every account is still capable of being compromised.
We believed that we had completely secured a Trojan horse breach from a few weeks ago but we are still actively looking into whether this is part of that compromise to our system. Have you had reports of anyone mimicking you in any digital communications during the last two months?
This has always been the weird thing with iConfidant. They’ve mentioned this breach several times but that issue would be totally separate from someone having their own accounts attacked. What happened with @kasch went beyond someone mimicking him, the emails appeared to come from his own address, but weren’t present in his sent box. Even if it was just someone mimicking digital communications, what does that have to do with malware on iConfidant’s systems?
May 26, 2017 at 11:17 am #14823CrystalParticipant
iConfidant knows that I work in infosec and could easily and immediately plug up all of these security holes, not to mention hunt down the fucks in question. Their IT team is hopelessly outgunned.
I would be happy to be their security consultant if they would just admit that they need outside help.
May 26, 2017 at 11:29 am #14825Andrew KaschParticipant
I hated Horace back at the very first Tension consultation…and I hate him even more now. Someone needs to take this shit bird down! And I hope it’s Noah.
May 26, 2017 at 11:35 am #14826
May 26, 2017 at 11:42 am #14827Brad RuweParticipant
“a few accounts”
Means @taysavestheday was not the only one. Strap in boys and girls, more of us are likely to be contacted, or even worse, duplicated online. If iConfidant was on the up and up they’d reach out to EVERYONE whose communication was breached ASAP. I know when a company has a data breach they usually send out an email to affected customers giving a run down of the situation and next steps (change your password, etc).
May 26, 2017 at 12:16 pm #14832Lawrence MeyersParticipant
@taysavestheday Some context, from the (shocking) Jungian perspective:
What I learned in analysis was that we all have a superior and inferior function that are the ways in which we relate to the world: Thinking, Sensation, Feeling, and Intuition. Thinking/Feeling and Sensation/Intuition are on opposing poles. If you regard yourself as someone who primarily relates to the world through facts and logic (as I do), Thinking is your superior function, and Feeling would be inferior (not pejorative, just not as developed).
[This, BTW, is the basis for Myers-Briggs, along with introvert and extravert]
Jung believed that one of the most important paths to becoming whole (Ouroboros) is to develop and integrate your inferior function. Horace appears to be cajoling you to instead stay rooted in your superior function — promising you success over wholeness, if you will.
There’s more. Jung also speaks of finding the Self (wholeness) via the unity of opposites — the unity of male and female energy. Men have a feminine energy called the anima, women have a masculine energy called the animus. These energies acts as guides to your unconscious, where all the discoveries lie towards finding The Self.
Horace is asking you to deny the feminine energy within, offering you again success over wholeness.
That being said, I would’ve made the same choice. Not because I would abandon the search for The Self, but because If I’m offered a chance to get into the inner circle of what I perceive as The Enemy, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Because that, too, may take you in a positive direction. Horace represents the Shadow, and you know how I feel about having to face and incorporate that on the way to wholeness.
May 26, 2017 at 12:22 pm #14833Michael RizzoParticipant
Haha holy shit a lot has happened.
So, @taysavestheday I’m actually quite surprised at the choice you made and as buz had said, this is quite truly the darkest timeline. I’d be curious if @electrichippo, @thebuz, or myself will start to be tasked with dropping our iConfidants in some way or another. We say we wouldn’t be sure if we could do that but who knows, I’m sure tay would’ve said the same before the call with papa Sinclair… I do agree with kim however, that it was not only the connection you made with your IConfidant but more so the connection you made with Sarah that pushed this call to be delivered to you.
Also just want to note how almost nobody listened to Horace at the book event and how he was lowkey a joke lmao
May 26, 2017 at 1:25 pm #14835
@taysavestheday what exactly are you getting in return for your sacrifice? So he will let you into his world? Who exactly is he? I mean what is his value to you, and why should you let him into your world? It sounds like he is using the platform technique on you (Im not sure if that is the exact name.) Its where someone makes themselves look more important or is higher on the platform than you, but gives you a sliver of a hope that if your a good little boy, he may reach out his hand and pull you up. But that is never the case. Your hand will always be seemingly and purposefully inches away from his. That is the exact motivation he needs you to have to get you to do his bidding. Because what you need to realize is he will never pull you up to his level. That would make him an equal and not above you. He will never stand for that.
May 26, 2017 at 2:33 pm #14848
Thanks @larry (I almost tagged your shadow account).
I love the philosophical and Jungian approach this is constantly taking with the approach of shadow, anima, and animus. As @kevin pointed out, Stick Man may be more pushing us towards wholeness, but incorporating both head and heart–while Horace may be pushing us towards cold hard success through removal of the heart and focusing on just the head. I’m interested in where this path takes me as well.
Also, for completeness, I am an INTJ/ENTJ (The Engineer/Architect and The Commander personality types) depending on when I take it. My I and E are usually 49% vs 51%.
May 26, 2017 at 2:44 pm #14859
@rizzzoooooo and @electrichippo, I definitely think this has been building for me for some while. As with life and my career, I am logical, rational, and ambitious. So The System, while I didn’t believe all of its tenets, did appeal to my inclinations. Sarah reached out to me via phone call and the OC meetup, suggesting that we saw the world the same way and both faced similar difficulties. We understood each other. I was ready to support her because I could very well be facing the same issues she was–in different circumstances.
When iConfidant opened, I was given an opportunity to reveal a different side of myself. One that was more empathetic, artistic, and fun. We jokes about building treehouses together and shared music with each other in every email. I connected with my confidant quickly and looked forward to each of her emails. She was definitely someone I could have seen myself being great friends with and even having more with, in a different life.
So the choice was extremely hard. Follow your heart and continue building a friendship with someone you have a genuine connection with, or throw that all away for a chance at success, being let into the inner circle, and to make a difference. While the second was only a chance at this–I had to risk it and go for it. as @izryn said, I have to choose the option I would least regret later. And this is someone I would regret if I didn’t risk it all.
May 26, 2017 at 2:59 pm #14879
@lukasrl, you make an interesting point. But this all reminds me of a quote: “People don’t get promotes for doing their job really well, they get promoted for demonstrating that they have the potential to do more.” And I hope that’s one thing I’ve proved over and over again in my life–I always have the potential to do more, to grow, and to be useful.
You asked what his value is to me. He has information. He has answers. It’s his investors, his experience. Are there more people than just him behind it? Is his goal the same as the OSDM goal of judging reactions and emotions to predict human behavior or is this more? These questions are far more interesting to me, and I will do what it takes in pursuit of answers.
You also asked what Horace is offering me; and that is a chance. He has no reason to trust me, same as I have no reason to trust him. But he does have something I want, and I have something he wants. So, I’ll take the first step–I’ll show him that I am willing to give up something that was damn important to me–and gain a little of his trust. And now it’s his turn to gain a little of mine.
May 26, 2017 at 3:06 pm #14890Kyle BownParticipant
Wow @taysavestheday. I think I’m impressed with your decision. I don’t know if I’d be able to do it. I would want to, but I’m not sure the logical side of my brain would be able to win out. I’ve become kind of attached to my iConfidant. I applaud you for your choice, and hope it gets you everything you want. Can’t wait to see what happens next.
May 26, 2017 at 4:50 pm #14980
@taysavestheday Yes one gets promoted by demonstrating they can do more but thats when they are currently in the position. I guess im still a little confused. What information and answers are you looking for? Because the questions you have seem to be for someone who is on the inside and in the loop. You said he is giving you a chance? A chance at what. He hasnt offered anything. He just told you to do something and you did it. Instead it sounds to me like this job is more of a contractors job. Do what they want and then poof. Nothing more.
I understand your decision, I cant say I would have made a different one. But I am curious on the why in this situation.
May 26, 2017 at 4:53 pm #14981
@taysavestheday “The life of a sheep is easier than the life of a lion. Sheep are given food and water freely by their shepherd, and are protected from predators by shelters they did not build. They fatten themselves on the shepherd’s food, thriving into a multitude that outnumbers the lions.
But these comforts bind the sheep into slavery. The sheep are bred to be weaker of mind and body, to require the shepherd’s protection so greatly that they can be free of physical chains but never stray. Theirs is a lifetime of servitude — one that is comfortable but ends at the shepherd’s whim.
Lions have no masters. Though the lion must hunt for its own food and search for its own shelter, it is free to roam where it wishes and requires no one to open its gate. Though the feeding trough of the sheep is filled, it is only with the grass and grain of its master’s choosing. A lion must hunt and chase its meals, but feasts on anything it catches.” ~ Illuminations
May 26, 2017 at 5:20 pm #14991
@lukasrl; Think of it as a job that I would like to get. He calls me, that’s the job posting. Then he lets me know what qualities he’s looking for in a candidate, that’s the skill requirements. He doesn’t offer anything at this point–he probably has multiple people he’s interested in. Now it’s up to me to do what he asks and show him that I’m the best one for the job, that I fit his required skill set. This is me submitting my resume. If he’s interested, he’ll reach out to me again. And maybe I’ll get some answers then.
And to your other point, I would definitely say he’s on the inside and in the loop. They are his investors. The Lust Experience is his. The Tension Experience was too. He’s the highest up the ladder we’ve seen.
May 26, 2017 at 5:28 pm #14994
@taysavestheday sorry I should have explained better. I was saying you want the insider knowledge but is he really letting you inside. I wish you all the luck in the world.
But to your point. I (being a short chubby guy) have the qualifications of being a delicious steak sandwich. I just wouldnt go replying to Jeffery Dahmer’s help wanted add.
May 26, 2017 at 5:32 pm #14996
May 26, 2017 at 9:58 pm #15055ShaunParticipant
@taysavestheday did you come to the conclusion that Horace wanted you to ditch your confidant or was it pretty obvious?
When I read “I won’t let you into my world because I think you have an interesting mind or I appreciate your sense of feng shui. It will be because you’ve proved yourself useful to me.” it sounds like he doesn’t care much about what you do for entertainment with your iConfidant (or otherwise) as long as you amp up the copy related to Lust on your website.
May 26, 2017 at 11:23 pm #15059
So to an outsider, I can see how what he said could be a bit dubious. However, most of the things he talked about were direct comments from my iconfidant emails. He obviously had read them all and wanted me to subdue that side of me.
Earlier in the conversation, he talked about romance and how it’s a notion of the weak. My confidant and I spoke of romance to great extents. Then moving into the quote you provided–one of my confidant’s favorite things about me was my “interesting mind.” Further, we started our relationship by discussing our decorating styles, dream houses, and I even sent her pictures of mine. So his “Feng Shui” comment is directly referencing that.
His entire conversation, at least to me, was saying: look, you have this scientific, engineering side to you that’s strong. Use that. All this romance, Feng Shui, and interesting mind bullshit you’ve been discussing with your confidant is just weaknesses and distractions. Do away with that and embrace your logic, and maybe you’ll be useful to me.
I have had a few others say that I could have kept talking to my Confidant, or I could have kept it more logical and intelligent. But that isn’t fair to her… or me. I need to rid myself of distractions, and she deserves a confidant who can connect to her on an empathetic and emotional level. Plus, I need to show Horace that I’m willing to cut something meaningful out of my life.
I’ve proven myself here, I’ve proven myself with my video to the Sinclairs. Now, I will continue prove myself useful to Horace.
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